Wednesday, April 29, 2009 // 9:34 PM
i hate how headaches ruin my mood as much as i hate how IB is slowly ruining the peak of my teenage life.
especially if i still have to study chemistry because i just don't want to fail. studying 8 chapters of IB chemistry is just pure torture. and attempting to do past exam papers with a big iceberg on top of you head is PERENNIAL TORTURE. i might just DIE.
pardon my hyperbolic remarks. but it's seriously bugging me. there's so much to do yet there's so little energy in me to finish my tasks.
this headache is killing my productivity too. i have this urge to sketch. but the headache is hindering me from making good sketches. :(
hmm.
i'm blaming everything on this headache. so sue me for making excuses. though mind you, these are not excuses. i'm just stating facts and how i feel right now. so whatever.
i have a fucking long to do list.
i feel like burning the IB office. care to join me?
DISCLAIMER: just kidding, peeps. don't sue me because of what i just said or think that this post is a terrorist threat for the IB. i'm just a DP student trying to figure out a way to get through this crap while asking myself why i'm still fighting. oh right, it's probly because i'm RESILIENT. oh wow. i'm so much an ideal binusian without me realising.
GREAT.
highlight of my life.
(add a hint of sarcasm there, mind you).
oh wow i can't stop typing. there's so much in my head. which brings me to another question. maybe this is what's causing my headache. hmm. i want to vacuum all these thoughts out.
argh.
oh man. i don't think i'll ever stop. sooooo i'm gonna stop typing. hit the publish post button. and go to bed.
thanks for letting me share my feelings today, guys haha. if this makes your day bleaker that it's supposed to be then pardon me. i really dont have the intention of doing so, nor do i expect to make your day brighter with my posts. sooo, yeah do wat cha gotta do.
me loves yous.
good night :)
Labels: random rants, Totally Random
Monday, April 27, 2009 // 8:07 PM
I want to be the one deluding you in your daydreams.
I want to be the one waking you up from your nightmares.
I want to be the one pouring Technicolor into your monochromatic world.
I want to be the one tune that got stuck in your head for days.
I want to be the one slipping sunshine through your blinds.
I want to be the one switching on the lights when you’re in the dark.
I want to be the one carving an effervescent smile across your face.
I want to be
the one.♥jkt, 27 apr 2009
8:14 PM
Labels: poems
Saturday, April 25, 2009 // 11:01 PM
is it possible to feel really lonely in a house filled with a lot of people? i feel crazy whenever i thought of it. it seems that mere physical presence can't really fill up all the empty spaces. somewhere deep inside you would still feel empty despite the fact that the physical space around you is jam-packed.
i guess it's all the same emptiness if you're with people you can't really pour you heart out to or laugh/cry yourself silly at. all those filled up spaces just can't make it up.
hmm. that was rather thoughtful and philosophical of me. but i guess it's this psychological thing, i've been spending my saturday nights with my friends and it just seems weird to spend it at home haha. but on the other hand i felt kinda bad at my mom, coz i already went out late on friday and the previous saturdays i always spend time with my friends. had a blast shopping with her, though :)
which reminds me, i watched a french movie with alvie, anya and cavin last night in fX. it's called Un baiser, si'l vous plait (Shall We Kiss?). it's a really nice romantic-comedy movie. it's basically about how a kiss without consequences is just imposibble. it's quite complicated to write about it here though ahaha. you should go watch it yourself. you'd laugh your guts out and go "aaawh" at the uber romantic and thoughtful lines :)
oh here's a funny thing that happened when we watched. i mean, we're so IB, we actually analysed it. i know right, really freaky. it started with cavin, actually, mentioning how the diction and the tone is exceptional. then i start commenting on how a hazard sign in the lab where the characters hooked up is actually a foreshadowing of how their clandestine relationship would end in a disaster. then anya started to mention how a scene in the pharmacy is actually a propaganda.
HOW FREAKIER COULD WE BE??!!
we're watching a romantic french movie and we acted as if it was an english paper 1 exam hahaha. we're so IB-fucked, as anya likes to put it :p
right after the movie we wanted to get cold stone, but unfortunately all their good flavours are finished (no cheesecake boo hoo). bummer. so we went to get cream and fudge instead. which i didn't really enjoy, because their cheesecake flavour is too sweet to my liking haha. but then we fooled around. took pictures and polaroids. then had a bit of a bitching sesh haha. well, what can i say, there comes a time where you just can't stand something and had to talk about it to someone else, right?
but i think we got a little carried away with our so-called session, coz by the time i got home it was almost midnight haha. oh, well.
well come to think of it, as i read on this post i just written, i feel so bad i moped about how lonely i felt tonight. i mean, i did have a blast yesterday night. i shouldn't really be splurging on anything else. hmm.
but the whole empty spaces thing still bothers me though. and got me thinking about a lot of different things.
hmmm...
but it's too late for that now, the time i mean. it'a already 11:20PM haha.
bon soir, folks! hope you had a nice weekend =D
Labels: Thoughtful Thoughts, When Nandra Gets Philosophical
I try to see things positively. But it just so happens that everyone has dimmed the light.
Now, what am I to do?
Tuesday, April 21, 2009 // 10:37 PM
ok. i'm so pissed by so many things today. sometimes i think this city and country in fact is just so fucking messed up i don't understand the reason how i could cope with all this intolerance and imorality.
wait, coz ini post tentang jakartaku tercinta, sepertinya lebih baik kalo gw post pake bahasa indonesia.
ok. so satu hal yg bikin gw muak banget hari ini.
1. ok jadi tadi gw pulang skolah lewat jl. sultan agung situ. nah trus ada satu jenis kendaraan yang pengen gw bakarin satu2 biar jalanan ga macet. yakni, SEPEDA MOTOR.
iya itu kendaraan roda dua yg kayak sepeda tapi diisiin bensin itu. iya, itu kendaraan yg asal selip sana sini doang trus selalu maunya menang sendiri, mentang2 dia lebih kecil daripada mobil2. dan gw paling sebel kalo itu motor BERTEDUH DI BAWAH JEMBATAN pas ujan. BUSET DAH, LU KIRA JALAN RAYA PUNYA BAPAK LUUUUU????!!!! nyadar dong ya tolong ada kendaraan lain yang juga butuh ruas jalannya. dan secara ini kendaraan yg LEBIH GEDE daripada motor, jadinya kita perlu LEBIH DARI SATU RUAS JALAN, YA KAAAN?? nahh logikanya, kalo satu ruas jalan DIPAKE BUAT PARKIRAN MOTOR DADAKAN, jadinya MACEEEEEEEET KAAAANN???
IYA MACET. BAHASA INGGRISNYA TREFIK JEM. kalo macet mengganggu ketenangan seluruh lapisan masyarakat, ya kaaan??
ok fine, mungkin bakal bnyk yg bilang gw egois klo bilang gini. mentang2 gw kaum burjois yg kemana2 pake mobil. and ok, fine, klo pake motor ga bisa berteduh dari hujan.
tapi ga ada tempat yg lebih layak dan nggak mengganggu ketenangan pengguna jalan yg lain apa?? cari warung gitu ato apa kek. mending klo cuman di pinggir2 jalan doang. tapi kalo udah make satu ruas jalan itu udah keterlaluan. nah, skrg siapa yg egois?
i'll let you decide.
2. UAN
gw panas banget klo denger ada yg namanya ngebayar soal UAN + kuncinya. i just want to pose one simple question for these nimrods who has done such thing:
MAKSUD LO APAAAA??
trus lo meninjakkan kaki lo di lantai sekolah dan ngedudukin pantat lo di bangku sekolah buat apaaa? buat ngangetin kursi kayu doang?? mending ga usah sekalian. bangku diangetin jg ga ada gunanya. sementara sepatu lo cuman ngotorin lantai sekolah doang. intinya: BUAT APA SEKOLAAAH??
fine, gw mungkin ga 24/7 blajar terus, mikirin sekolah terus. tp yg jelas gw masih punya MORAL untuk melewati segala tugas-tugas yang berat dari sekolah dengan USAHA dan KERINGAT gw sendiri. gw ga mau yg namanya ngeluarin duit lebih dari kantong orang tua gw, cuman biar gw bisa get the easy way out doang.
walaupun gw megang prinsip kalo ijasah doang ga cukup buat bikin lo survive di luar sana, tapi gw yakin 100% ketidakhadiran MORAL juga won't do you any good.
gimana ini negara ga rusak coba? sejak masa sekolah aja udah ga punya moral.
jujur, kalo udh kayak gini gw ga peduli bokap lo siapa, gw ga peduli duit lo berapa, rumah lo ada berapa and segede apa, baju lo merek apa, tas lo kulit asli atau bukan, GW GA PEDULI LO SIAPA. orang2 kayak gitu rasanya pengen gw ludahin.
I DON'T RESPECT SUCH PEOPLE.
coz guess what, they can't even RESPECT THEMSELVES by being HONEST then WHY DO THEY DESERVE ANY RESPECT??
i am so fucking disgusted at how there are just so much fucking immorality and intolerance in this city. now how do we open up these crazyfuck's eyes? coz the only thing i got right now is to group them in monas and i'd use a gargantuan-sized TOA to shout out about how fucked up i think they are.
any ideas? i'd love to hear some.
Labels: social criticism; i.e. bitching about bitches, Thoughtful Thoughts
Sunday, April 19, 2009 // 12:58 PM
i couldn't quite remember when was the last time i spent the weekend at home. felt that i've been going out every weekend for the past months. hmm no wonder i felt that, that's because i DID go out every weekend for the past months haha.
so maybe it's time to take a break...
and be productive
however, life has it's strange turns, 'coz now i've got severe flu and it's actually hindering me from being productive. i was about to dedicate my saturday at home doing art but then influenza came around and gave me nasty headaches and runny nose and sore throat. the complete package. i took the flu meds on friday night and slept for 10 hours straight. only got up once to drag myself out, only to wound up on the couch, asleep again.
then on the saturday, after picking my bro up at senci with my dad and had a bit of food, i got home and did art for around 2 hours (or less). then take that stinkin' flu meds again AND fell asleep until the morning.
what's more is get this freakishly strange dreams about strange people and/or creature doing strange stuff. seriously, what is going on in here???
hahahaha.
is it an effect of not going out on a saturday? haha.
the flu meds are giving me weird thoughts as well. and it seem to have made me write this random and inconsequential post. haha.
oh, well.
cya. hope you guyz had a superb weekend. i'd join you next week when the flu's gone and i'm not so grounded anymore hahahah.
loves. <3
Labels: Totally Random
Wednesday, April 15, 2009 // 12:43 AM
I sometimes wish that your heart glows in the dark, so I can reassure myself that it's right there amongst this vast darkness.
♥
Labels: Totally Random
Tuesday, April 14, 2009 // 11:09 PM
"IB is like the morning run: you may be grudgingly putting on your sports cloths and regret bitterly about your stupid decision to do this pointless thing everyday while you are running , but in the end you still do it everyday."
"IB is like vegetables. It sucks but it's good for you in the long run."
"IB puts the "pro" in procrastination."
IB Student 1: Did you understand a word of that math lecture?
IB Student 2: No, I was finishing the physics homework instead.
IB Student 3: Oh my god, do you understand the physics unit?!
IB Student 2: No, I was doing my math homework during the lecture.
"Writing a TOK essay is like being constipated. It hurts like hell and you produce crap very slowly."
Teacher is explaining differentiation to the class
SL Maths Student: Are we ever going to use this in real life?
Teacher: Of course.
SL Maths Student: When?
Teacher: In the exam.
"The number 45 never looked so high until now..."
"IB helps you with stress management. It throws all this stress at you and says, 'Manage it!' Then you have your breakdown and you get over it."
Frustrated IB Student: You know what? I don't want to wear a normal graduation cap when i graduate. I want a freaking tiara.
Fuck IB, I'm going to Hogwarts.
hey here's a good one:
"you know you're in IB when you open ibquotes.com just to laugh at yourself and feel better about your misery because you know there are many out there as miserable as yourself."
should i put it up? haha.
man, i need to get a life.
Labels: Totally Random
Sunday, April 12, 2009 // 10:35 PM
dearest long weekend,
i would just like to say how gratified i am for the most awesome time you have given me for the past four days to spend with my friends. i get to do a lot of stuffs with my friends, and family too, actually and have a lot of fun.
thanks to your presence, i get to cook again with my friends gino ariani and cavin and had a very 'rusuh' day indeed. although we were stupid enough to not buy burger buns when we are clearly gonna cook burgers. oh, and cavin's ice cream cake melted severely on the way to his house, spoiling the intricately planned surprise we intended to give him. it was still a blastin' time. we cooked great pasta and burgers, albeit having no space in our stomach to digest them haha. we are truly sorry though that we kinda ruined cavin's kitchen, you know, spilling parmesan cheese all over the counter and stuff haha.
and also, because there is a long weekend i finally get to go to monas after not being there for ages. it's really... hmm how do i put it, refreshing for the soul to go there. it's hyperbolic i know, but the fact is that monas has a great outdoor space to be in. although it pisses me off to see trash lying around the place. here's a message for jakartans or people visiting monas, can you please, please, please, PLEASE keep the beautiful landmark clean?? because if it is not clean, then it won't be our beautiful landmark anymore, wouldn't it?? really, people it'd be nicer to enjoy such nice outdoor space WITHOUT the trash. besides, there are TRASH CANS every where, all you've got to do is pick up your trashes and THROW IT IN THE REPSECTIVE TRASH CANS. all ya gotta do is GET UP YOUR ASS AND WALK TO THE TRASH CANS. it's not such a long walk, you know. it's not like walking from monas to bogor, isn't it? so that's my plea for you all people.
and last but not least long weekend thank you for making me have yet another awesome saturday night and day out with my friends. yes, i went during the day and night on saturday, so sue me. during the day, i get to meet my cisv friends, which i seem to have not seen for ages. especially nadia, my long lost miss UPH friend :p what's more, i get to eat sushiiii!! yeaaay finally i ate sushi tei again woo hoo. then at night was cavin's 17th birthday party which was just so freakin' awesome. it's really nice you know, to be spending time with your school friends OUTSIDE of school. like my parents once asked me why do i have to go out with my friends when i see them for five days straight at school for 8+ hours. well it's a simple answer really, because it would be much much much nicer to spend time with school friends not surrounded by the grey walls of the class room and whiteboards and bunsen burners wouldn't it? say you agree with me friends. so anyways, cavin's birthday was probly the highlight of this long weekend. again thanks, cav for such awesome party and afterparty hahaha. the afterparty was surely a big blast. it feels kinda good to just daaaynce and go crazy with friends. so thanks for the fine night, guys, regardless of what happened, if you know what i mean. and regardless of the aftermath as well, haha.
so there you go long weekend. a detailed description of my countless gratitude for your presence. it totally sucks that you have to go now :( i'm sulking. i hate the fact that i have to go back to school tomorrow to face the cold grey-walled class rooms again and the freezing cold hallways. i also hate the fact that i haven't done any homeworks haha. but i guess i love the fact that we'd have lots to talk and laugh and reminisce about tomorrow. all those insipid, crazy, fun, awesome, wild things would be a good 'discussion' topic tomorrow. it'd be really nice to recall the rather stupid yet fun shits that we did during your presence in the calendar and our life.
again, thank you so so so much my dear long weekend. i think it would be quite a while until you come around again, isn't it? i'd linger for another one of your presence in the calendar. well i miss you already dearest long weekend, thank you for making my life more colourful. know that you've shine on the days of millions other indonesians as well.
cheers, and i'd wait for you to come around again.
missing you here.
all my love, hugs and kisses,
nandra
ps: piccies grabbed from anya's and cavin's facebook. ily <3
Labels: High School Remedies, Memories too beautiful too erase..., Totally Random
Saturday, April 11, 2009 // 12:44 AM
insights and epiphanies doesn't always come at this time of night. and if it did, i love how it could manage to carve a big smile on my face, and plant a seed of gratitude deep in my heart and soul.
here's the postsecret tweet that gave me the legendary late-night epiphany:
postsecretToday's Mail: (front of card) "On college tours, they don't tell you that there is nowhere on campus where you can cry in private."
hmm. they never mentioned it in high school orientations either. or anywhere actually. i feel really lucky though, because i have lots of friends. and i know i can count on them. :)
and there's this one person that i nearly always come crying to. it might be rather oblivious to think back about how i can come to this point with that person and trust someone so deeply. i'm so very lucky to have you.
thks fr evrythng :)
i love my friends because they're the very reason i cope with life's atrocities. and i'll continue loving them.
spread all the love people. the whole world needs it, for crying out loud. =D
ciao.
PS: this may just be a freak coincidence, but i'm currently listening to what might be the perfect soundtrack to this post. it's Lenka's Knock Knock. it's lovely :) check out the lyrics and you'll agree with me i'm sure :D
Labels: Thoughtful Thoughts
Thursday, April 09, 2009 // 10:48 PM
SHE CRIES ECSTASY
she cries ecstasy
from the corner of her
soft hazel mydriatic eyes
she thought she'd no longer
shed a single tear
she thought it'd bring her
to a distant utopia
now that she's there
as it turned out
it was dystopia in disguise
she continued searching
albeit always ending up
in the same place
she cries ecstasy
from the corner of her
soft hazel mydiratic eyes
looking for a way out
only to find herself
plunged into the same chasm
over and over again
jkt, 9 apr 2009
10:48 PM
note: came up with this when i was working on one of my art sketches. i'll probly post the pic too soon enough. when i've coloured in probably haha. this poem's about a girl who's addicted to ecstasy (the drugs, i mean), but not getting what she initially thought she would. it's about her despair because she can't get out of it.
well, please do comment people if you want. i'd highly appreciate it.
thanks a bunch :D
Labels: poems, Thoughtful Thoughts
Tuesday, April 07, 2009 // 7:22 PM
this post is for my friend alvie, who is in love with gabe saporta (amongst many others). yet i have been quite an ass for trashing about him haha. sorry babe, haha. but here's me writing about the nicest and probly coolest thing evuur about him.
here's his tweet:
http://twitpic.com/2xeuk - i really don't ever want you guys to worry about me. i love you guys. and it means a lot to be cared about, b...
about 16 hours ago from TwitPic
if you followed the link to that twitpic, here's wat he said in an email reply to his fan:
"...I've never sucked a dick to be where I am. But I like to push the boundaries of my existance. And if that means I break a few of my bones, I don't care. At least I am man enough to admit it and let you watch. I like doing stupid things. It's a nice juxtaposition."
gotta break it to you, vie, he's not that bad after all. haha. sorry babytch :) won't trash saporta again. you have my word =D
kthxcyaloveya
Monday, April 06, 2009 // 9:49 PM
STARSHINE
I
the stars collapsed
diminishing itself into speckles of stardust
some of which landed on your eyes
now the only sparkle
lighting my way back home
II
you may not know it, love
but you gleam brighter
than the northern star
if i leaned in closer
and whispered to you ears softly,
"you're my favourite star"
would you listen?
by nandra
-partly inspired by jason mraz's who needs shelter-
jkt, 6 apr 2009
10:06 PM
Labels: poems
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