it's nandra. they also call her nashz, the history of such name is way too long to elaborate in this little space. she's seventeen. she's a she. she lives a typical metropolitan lifestyle in the capital of Indonesia. she's currently in her senior year of high school, enduring the second and last year of IB Diploma Programme that's totally ruining her life slowly.
but she thinks the whole suffering would give her some sort of advantage in the (scarily) near future. she's a CISVer and lovin' every bit of it. oh, she also very much enjoys mango juice, she'd even prefer it than OJ haha. and while we're at it, yes, she might be random from time to time. she wishes you'd be quite patient about it. :)
♥
reading
writing
ear-friendly songs
pop art
photography
adobe photoshop cs3
Grey's Anatomy McSteamy :)
John O'Callaghan :)
novels by J.K Rowling, Judy Blume, Melissa de la Cruz & Sitta Karina
IB's been pissing all over my life lately. it's like it'll never end. essays after essays just keep coming after me on a fuckin wild goose chase. and my procrastination habit ain't getting any better either, so that adds to the endless cycle of frustration.
but ya know what.
i should stop whining, and please do kindly remind me to, i tend to forget. coz it'll be over soon and hopefully i'll understand what the benefit is from enduring 2 years of hell. and right after i aced those may 2010 exam papers imma have epic plans that needs to be put into action. epic shit that'll be the pinnacle of my young life hopefully. i'll reveal those so-called epic crazy plans sometime later though.
right now i gotta focus on the remaining shits i gotta do before i could end this thing. oh btw, i've gotten 5 conditional offers from UK universities. so at least a part of myself can take a breather. at least university apps are done. now what i gotta do is live up to that predicted grade of mine, and ace that 36 i need to get into cardiff.
yes, they asked for a 36 and i just found out today and yes it was shocking. i really wanna get it there, it's the top media school, according to the good university guide. so, 36 it is.
please tell me i can get thru this?
in the mean time, i have a date with cas paperworks (yes, beurocracy is a biatch bby), media option written task and development econs to study for.
ok so i don't celebrate christmas. but what i know is during this kind of festive holidays you don't want to wound up alone. and i'm so glad that i didn't this year.
i had a real fine christmas night with my cisv lovelies: ray eko inez ariel ardy. not much of them but at least i got to see them after quite a while. especially ardy, who finally flew back home :)
it really feels so glad to be taken into the warm arms of someone dear to you who you haven't seen in a reaaal long time :) it's like finally all the longing you've kept during their absence are finally released from deep inside your gut. it feels great. really great.
we just got together for the classic combination of hanging out activities consisting of having dinner and watching a movie. we watched planet 51, which was slightly hilarious. not that much funny, but it's a feel good movie, as my friend ray puts it. haha very true.
i feel really good today.
nothing like spending time with friends.
hope you all have a blasting christmas with your loved ones. even if you're not doing anything at all christmas-y haha.
i read someone else's love letter on bill shapiro's other people's love letter you never meant to see only to find that it was what i've meant to say to you for a very long time.
come back. i miss you so much.
(you don't have to miss me back. i just need your presence in a considerable proximity, not halfway around the world. that's enough for me.)
"I'd like to go back to the times where the laughters we shared were as sincere as it could get, and the tears weren't so bad after all because I know I've got your shoulder to cry on."
hey blog. long time no post. i have nothing on my mind tonight, due to extreme clogging somewhere in the brain area because of excessive IB shitz pushed into it.
but hey guess what. today's 11/11. i dunno why i find it special. nothing special happened though. as always.
*sigh*
i got a txt from rena today, inviting me to her farewell dinner. i read it with my eyes half open, as i just woke up from my nap slash 3-hour beauty sleep. but i understood the message clearly, alright. i hate farewell dinners. i think i've mentioned that before. :'(
another friend leaving. great.
i'm gonna miss rena, we had too much awesome memories together. :')
good luck in spore, babe. imma visit her on december though, so that sounds fine haha.
it's past midnight. haven't really studied econs, test tmrw. die.
haven't stenciled my stuffs for art too. photoshoot's on friday. daymn.
where's that fast-forward button when i need one?
i want weekends.
meanwhile, i'm gonna try and drift myself off to sleep. gaahh.
p.s: btw, i changed my header and background. but honestly, dyou think the background color looks like the color of fresh poop in the morning? please do give your thoughts, coz if one person says it does imma change it haha.
sometimes i feel like i'm shut in my own mind. i closed all doors and build a brick wall around myself. i don't let anything else in. just me and my thoughts, wandering everywhere. incredulous fantasies about what could have been and endless what ifs. unfiltered as they run through my mind.
i don't know if it's good or bad, though. 'cause it gets lonely after a while.
I once read this blogger's [link] post. He mentioned that he had to be okay with the way things are, the way the puzzles fall into place. Although, it may not be the way we wanted it to be. But it is and we have to be okay with that.
I had to be okay with this.
But I suppose it is human to want more and not just settle in for it. However we get carried away and want too much and forget about the fact that to want more, maybe we should try to be okay with it and work around things.
It's hard to do, being okay. I'm still in the learning process myself.
I want to be okay, though. I just don't know how to. I just don't know if I ever will.
it is inspirational. i can't find words to describe my finding above. i found the blog months ago, but just felt like writing about it now. every word and picture strikes me. in a lot of different ways.
i'm lacking inspiration nowadays. it sounds rather bullshit really. i live in an overpopulated city of 8.5million people, i pass the same streets everyday in different situations. but the rush of inspiration never comes.
or maybe i haven't been looking hard enough. or i looked to hard for it. or i overthink because i get frustrated not finding inspiration.
maybe i should open my senses more. or start my occasional run of 'what ifs'.
i have a new addiction. it's the website stumble upon [link]. it works like this: you click on the'stumble!' button on the toolbar in that website, and it'll take you to websites that are either:
1. viewed a lot by people
2. favored a lot by people
if you don't get my explanation get onto that website and open the damn faq page, coz i can't understand the whole mechanism of it haha.
so anyways. from that website i, um, well stumbled upon the most random websites ever but found some cool stuffs as well. so far my most favorite finds is this:
that quote above is really striking. yes, there are a lot of drama in life and drama queens starring in it. you got caught up in those insipid dramas, and when you do, you constantly bitch about it. most probably you'd bitch to your mates about it. but here's the thing, why not just laugh our ass off with your mates instead of bitching about those dramas. 'cause when you wind up laughing with your crazy mates you would likely forget about it and for once you'll be happy.
so, here's a piece of mind.
let the bitch bitch around. let them create dramas and whine day and night.
but don't let them drag you into it.
instead, go find your mates. go out, have a few drinks, watch incredulously funny movies and let the world hear your clamorous, ubiquitous laugh.
because yeah, life's waaay to short to be spent bitching about other bitches. haha.
oh aside from that, here's another finding from stumbleupon:
I want you to know and I plan to tell you. I hope you will love me back someday, the way I love you now. I hope this doesn’t destroy the connection and friendship that we have. I hope this leads to more, it could be beautiful you know? If we just gave it a shot.
I never had the guts to ask you to give it a shot. Besides, what chance do I have? You were heels over head and you won't let go. I'd like to put the whole thing behind me now, if that's okay. I like what we have now. But it's human to want something more that what we have. You meant a lot to me. More than you've ever known. I'm just too much of a coward to say it out loud.
I don't know if this is regret. It sounds stupid now that I went through those words above again. I'll try to be content with what I have now. I know it's not as bad. I should really try to be content with myself, no? Life is not all rainbows and unicorns, but there's the equivalent somewhere.
If you think I'll move on and forget what I ever felt about you, well, you're wrong. I'll move on, one way or the other, but I'll never forget. It's too awesome to be forgotten.
You were one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Because without you I'll never found trust. I'd always think it's non-existent. But, now I don't, because you showed it to me.
Well, enough ramblings. It's not like you'll read it anyways.
So, I'll end it here.
See, you.
Oh, btw. I miss you so much.
Come back soon :)
PS: the above is basically free writing. but it's how i feel at times, i guess. i should make more original posts. whatever that is. oh well. back to reality. i have hundreds of words to cut out from my world lit essay. holidays are ending soon. shucks.
yes, people. it's lebaran. minal aidin wal fa idzin. maafkanlah segala kekhilafan gw selama ini. :)) hehe pas banget yah hari maaf2an ini jatuhnya sama kayak international peace day. hope that in away it helps create peace. at least in my immediate environment.
hmm, i don't have much to say, really. dunno why. but, hey guess what. as much as i hate new moon, the trailer is actually a bomb.
and i hate to break it to you, but it seems like twilight's werewolves looks much better than harry potter's :/ yeah breaks my heart to say that in some way twilight trumps harry potter. but only in the werewolves part. in other ways, harry potter trumps twilight's ass! wizards > vampires hahaha. yeah i get sentimental when people compare harry potter to twilight. saying that twilight is the next harry potter and shit. well it's not. nothing would be as legendary as harry potter and that's that. it's written. haha
so anyways enough about that. despite the fact i don't really like the twilight series especially new moon. i think i'll watch it anyways. just because taylor lautner is daaaaymnn HAWT! i sound like a fangirlie. but wth.
well enough random stuffs, people. imma go enjoy my term break. before i have to work on EE tomorrow. i know right, ib took away my right to leisure. harrghh. will continue and enjoy dee's perahu kertas. i just bought it and it's been awesome so far. i am so in love with kugy and keenan :)
oright enough is enough. i dont need to waste anymore of your time reading this godforsaken random post. enjoyy your break dear ones :)
i want to update my blog. thanks for the plethora of works dumped on me i haven't updated much. but i don't feel like paragraph update, i feel like lists updates. so here goes:
1. today was first day of term tests. english a2 hl in the morning = 2 hours of non-stop commentary writing.
2. followed by chemistry like, umm, say 10 minutes after??!! wtf, i didn't have time to revise. ()&*(#@!@#$ did quite ok i hope. past papers questions i did came up, so i hope that'll boosts up my score a little bit.
3. i just found out about the whole kanye-ruining-tayswift's-big-moment stunt in the VMA. wtf, kanyeeee???!! dudeee, this girl deserves it, aight? that's like, BIG for a 19-year-old to get to where tay's at now. stop being such an ass. God, he is practically one of my favorite hip hop artist, considering i don't like hip hop too much. but his being a jackass to tayswift in live tv was just horrendous. sorry, but you've lost my respect and other people out there, kanye.
4. i have TOK presentation tomorrow. haven't worked on polishing it until now. oh, well.
5. oh, on friday, i broke my record of going home the latest from school because of academic-related things. i went home from school at 8.30pm last friday, working on my friggin' art portfolio. fucktaaaaard!!
6. I MUST NOT PROCRASTINATE ON ART PORTFOLIO EVERR EVERR AGAIN! the consequences are way too big if i do.
7. i can't wait for the term tests to end so i can go out and KARAOKE! (best remedy after tests, i must say) :)
8. lebaran soon. stoked! :)
yupp, so that's a random list of what's been going on in my life. not that much of your interest, huh?? i don't blame you :p
me and senior year has a love-hate relationship. i love the fact that i'm always in a class full of crazy, fun friends. but i hate hate hate the fact that i've got lots of shits to do yet i haven't done shit about it.
i'm taking a (prolonged) break from finishing up my group 4 report. would do some stuffs for art later on too.
oh here's an ironic thing from this SAT vocabs handout thing.
grandiloquent adj. using big and fancy words when speaking for the purpose of impressing other. i.e. words such as GRANDILOQUENT
see the irony? HAHA.
random i know. but i'm just turning my depression from IB into randomness. much more healthy for others.
one of the most-hated word in the english language for me is goodbye. and i hate it even more that i have to say it to so many people in such an early time. i really didn't think i'd come to the time were people would leave and i'd have to utter goodbye to them. so far i haven't quite say it yet but i don't want to even when the time comes...
