Wednesday, April 07, 2010 // 11:32 PM
hey :)
i know i rarely update this blog lately, but i've been opening it in the middle of working on my homeworks and just kinda read through previous posts. recently i've been overwhelmed at the fact of how i wound up right here right now. i remembered the time when i wasn't even sure what i want to major in and now i find myself freaking out over my IB scores that might not be sufficient enough for me to enter the top media school in the UK. heck i get overwhelmed at the fact that i'm graduating in a matter of just a couple of months.
so i take time to read this blog's previous posts, try to retrace the steps as i ask myself, what did i do this time last year? what was in my mind? what happened to me? and as i read those posts it's like watching myself grow. i know i'm not fully mature, but i know i've grown into well... something. the way i see it, when i started this blog i was like in a lifeboat, not knowing where to go and just rowing until i find something sufficient to set my foot on. now i think i've set foot on land, i'm no longer aimlessly wandering anymore.
well, okay not exactly, but some part of me have. i know i've set my foot down on a few principles i'm going to hold on to. such as about my faith and spirituality, although i still don't quite have my equilibrium right, but i find myself as an agnostic at the moment. i believe there's a stronger deity out there and i do believe in guardian angels, i just choose to show that in other ways that does not conform to certain religions. it's a complex matter to expose here, but it's an example of how i felt that i've grown.
and one of the most important thing i've learned in life is that there is so much more to someone than meets the eye. i use to be kind of judgemental about people, and i kind of shut them off whenever i find their flaws. i feel now that i've kind of been able to oversee those flaws, in fact it's what makes people interesting to get to know and befriend with. in my life there are some people i deeply adore because of what they have deep down inside them. they could be such douchebags sometimes, i mean it. sometimes i really just want to bang their head to the wall for their insults, in which they seem to have let slip from their mouth without trying to whizz up that brain of theirs. but, honestly, it's just one little part of them and that doesn't make them what they are. deep down inside i find them to be the most honest, sincere, thoughtful person i've ever met. and as i build the bridge between me and that other amazing person i slowly begin to trust them. for some of them i trust them with my secrets and breakdowns. some i merely entrust them with my happiness, i know that in one way or another those people will make me happy.
yes, so in that matter i've quite outgrown that middle school kid who got her heart broken for the very first time at the early days of writing this blog. in matters of heartbreak i'm not quite sure if i've quite understand how to get around it. but at least i'm starting to be able to cope with it. i think with the strings of experience being unrequited didn't make me weaker in anyway, but it somehow made me stronger. i may not have glued the pieces perfectly together again, but at least i manage to tape it up, though not strong enough at least its together. but of course i still wonder what it's like to not be unrequited, just like the me back in ummm 2006 wasn't it, when i started this blog??
hmmm i remember that time in english class, my teacher asked us to finish the sentence: "growing up is..." i think i've posted about this sometime a few months ago. i think this post best describe how to finish that sentence. i think one of the indicator of growing up is to have few streams of realisations, about a few aspects of life. yea, just a few will do just right, 'cause seriously, you can't grasp understanding on every single detailed aspect of life. because that way you'll keep growing up.
well this seems like a very... insightful post. haven't written anything like this in a while haha. but i feel like i have to channel these thoughts somewhere, and having this blog up for nearly four years i think it's the best place to expose it. besides, this virtual little universe has been a witness of some of my history and has kept record of it. and will continue to until God knows when.
well anyways, folks it's getting kinda late. got another school day tomorrow, which kinda sucks but i'll bear with it. besides, i only have, what, 25 days left until exams. so i'm gonna learn to cherish it.
good night everyone. take your smiles to your dreams tonight so you could wake up with one big smile in the morning. between the grunts and squinting eyes as you try to make out the numbers showing the time and hitting the snooze button repeatedly, of course :)
x
Labels: Thoughtful Thoughts, When Nandra Gets Philosophical
