it's nandra. they also call her nashz, the history of such name is way too long to elaborate in this little space. she's seventeen. she's a she. she lives a typical metropolitan lifestyle in the capital of Indonesia. she's currently in her senior year of high school, enduring the second and last year of IB Diploma Programme that's totally ruining her life slowly.
but she thinks the whole suffering would give her some sort of advantage in the (scarily) near future. she's a CISVer and lovin' every bit of it. oh, she also very much enjoys mango juice, she'd even prefer it than OJ haha. and while we're at it, yes, she might be random from time to time. she wishes you'd be quite patient about it. :)
♥
reading
writing
ear-friendly songs
pop art
photography
adobe photoshop cs3
Grey's Anatomy McSteamy :)
John O'Callaghan :)
novels by J.K Rowling, Judy Blume, Melissa de la Cruz & Sitta Karina
okay so here's the thing alright. i'm all the way here in beijing, china. it's new year's eve and it's VERY QUIET. ok i mean come on! the new year starts tomorrow, a whole new beginning and i don't hear a single firecracker anywhere. god, i hate it that i'm all the way here, not back home where i could celebrate new year in festivity. this sucks :/ i know that what matters at this time of year is to not be alone, at least you have someone with you to share happiness with and stuff. but here's the thing aight my parents aren't really embracing new years as well. so i'm stuck trying to be festive when no one is. that's gotta be the most shittiest feeling ever. srsly. this is practically the first new year's eve where i feel just so fucking miserable. i know i should be grateful that i could even have vacation here and everything but see i like festivity, i like celebrating stuffs and if i'm not celebrating something when i'm supposed to i get pissed. like right now for instance. agh. plus, the chinese govt blocks blogger so i have to use proxy which makes the posting page all messed up !
anyways. see in twitter hashtags of #09memories and #2010wishes are popping up on everyone's timeline. so i guess instead on dwelling in my own little fuckedup-ness i'm gonna list them hashtags! woot!
#09memories : - BALI. no questions asked, hands down the craziest most memorable trip i've ever had :) - SINGAPORE. DITTO! just with different people whom i equally love :) - PROTOTYPE CAMP 4. every single aspect of it. the team building. the camp itself. the crazy DUFAN trip. it was one hell of a crazy ride i'll never ever forget - EUROTRIP! awesome trip with the family, met old friends too - AWESOME CONCERTS OF 09: ALL-AMERICAN REJECTS, JAVA JAZZ + JASON MRAZ. - FAREWELL DINNERS :( not so pleasant a memory, but having so much in a year makes me realise i have so much love for so many of my humans :) - EVERY SINGLE SECOND IN HIGH SCHOOL. these goes to all the fighters at school, who are all fighting to just pass IB and be freakin done with it.
#2010wishes: - PASS IB AND JUST BE DONE WITH IT. - get myself prepared for whatever i chose to do after high school. - LOVE. i don't need a certain special guy or anything, but as my highschool year closes soon, i'd like to spread more love and less hatred :)
okay not so much wishes for next year. not yet i guess. wish no.1 is the most important and of top priority though :) alright folks. go have an awsome new year. imma just dance around like an idiot on my own when the clock strikes 12 in less than an hour.
love.
Friday, December 25, 2009 // 11:32 PM
xmas !
ok so i don't celebrate christmas. but what i know is during this kind of festive holidays you don't want to wound up alone. and i'm so glad that i didn't this year.
i had a real fine christmas night with my cisv lovelies: ray eko inez ariel ardy. not much of them but at least i got to see them after quite a while. especially ardy, who finally flew back home :)
it really feels so glad to be taken into the warm arms of someone dear to you who you haven't seen in a reaaal long time :) it's like finally all the longing you've kept during their absence are finally released from deep inside your gut. it feels great. really great.
we just got together for the classic combination of hanging out activities consisting of having dinner and watching a movie. we watched planet 51, which was slightly hilarious. not that much funny, but it's a feel good movie, as my friend ray puts it. haha very true.
i feel really good today.
nothing like spending time with friends.
hope you all have a blasting christmas with your loved ones. even if you're not doing anything at all christmas-y haha.
once upon a time i had this friend(s). we were close, really. back then we'd spend lots of holidays together. it'd be me, my brother, them, and their parents. i don't know how it happened, but somewhere along the way our parents' friendship was severed. well, particularly our fathers, 'cause they were the college friends in the first place. i remembered my parents telling me in the wake of the severed friendship, that i could still contact my friends, through email or something, but there is very very slim possibility of getting together like we used to again.
so i accepted that fact just because they told me to. but i realised i didn't really do all that. i never kept contact. i never tried to. granted, i was still in grade school back then, so maybe i didn't know any better. though, now i repeatedly wish i did.
but lately, in the midst of this very much digitally interconnected life we live in right now (thanks to facebook and twitter) i somehow found them. and that pang of realisation hit me real hard. i didn't try to save our friendship. i mean we could've, despite the fact that our parents' severed friendship. i let that drag our friendship to severity too.
for weeks now i've been contemplating on trying to reconnect or just let it be. i mean, our status would most probably get stuck on being each other's virtual friends on facebook and each other's twitter followers. it wouldn't bring back what we've had ages ago.
i don't like the idea of severed friendships. especially if it's wasn't because of either of us. we had external forces pulling us apart. so i just sent one of them a message telling them of the circumstances, which i only have recently comprehended. i don't know how it'd turn out. if she happens to think i'm a creep for writing her such bizarre message, then i guess that isn't my luck.
but i think everything's worth a shot. so i took that shot.
whatever happens, i'll just let it happen.
it's better than sitting here leafing through the newfound, dusty images of past times and wondering what could have been.
that is so true. well although not all are annoying. but there's that one annoying song. like in summer camp my friend eetu kept on singing "two girls one cup" and doug sings out "the ultimate showdown of the ultimate destiny" from time to time. and then there's the kuburan band's song from proto. that song (lupa lupa ingat) is such, a goddamn annoying song. i mean, seriously. considering the lyrics practically only comprises of the band singing out the chords to the song.
it. is. very. very. stupid.
but it stuck. and i'd sing along with my campers whenever that song comes up. i would. it's an impulse.
i love that about camps. i think those songs, as insipid and ludicrous as they may be, are one of those time machines that brings you back to that one particular summer. i also find it as some sort of reminder that what i had that summer was real, and the evidence to that is the after effect those songs gives me whenever they play in the radio or something, which is the rush of memories flooding into your mind. you'd find yourself smiling, grinning or tearing up to those songs.
i read someone else's love letter on bill shapiro's other people's love letter you never meant to see only to find that it was what i've meant to say to you for a very long time.
come back. i miss you so much.
(you don't have to miss me back. i just need your presence in a considerable proximity, not halfway around the world. that's enough for me.)
"You know all those books I had but I don't let you read? It's just all these love poems that are about you."
I think she was one of the bravest amongst these people. I could never own up to the fact that I really care about someone out there and I make poems about them. Amongst those people in the video, I found some of their secrets to be mine as well. I didn't quite realise that it was actually mine.
Ever since I found out about Frank Warren's Postsecret project, I have been continually inspired in one way or the other. But one of the greatest impact about his project is that I actually found a piece of myself amongst a total stranger's secret. It somehow makes me feel a little less alone. There's comfort in that.
I think it takes real courage to own up to your own secrets. I think this is a really great visualisation of Frank Warren's great work. And I really envy those people who are filmed in this video. I greatly envy their courage to accept their own limitations and actually tell it to millions of other people out there.
I don't think I have such courage yet. But I'm bound to find it sooner or later.
