Friday, May 29, 2009 // 9:47 PM
hey so aside from ariani's birthday, it's also this blog's 3rd anniversary.
i never thought i'd make it this far. and i gotta say i'm proud of myself. i'm not exactly a keeper, i leave things unnoticed for a very long period of time, only to wound up regretting what i did long after.
but this time, i didn't.
this blog is a record of me growing up. cliche, i know. but that's what it is. i've had this since i was back in the last days of year 8, now i'm in my last days of year 11.
this blog has recorded my anxiety of final exams of middle school, my exuberance of my first day of high school, my heartbreak, my precious memories with my friends, my insights and epiphanies and so much more to come.
years has passed and i'm slowly discovering who i truly am and where my passion lies. in short, i've been through a lot of changes. whether it is within myself or the people around me. sometimes changes are ugly, but most of the time, change is probably what you need.
we'll never stop changing, it's a cycle. so this blog will continue to record the changes i'll go through. as well as other random stuffs i come across during the day and a tinge of my creativity.
so it'll stay. i don't know until how long. but i made a promise to myself that this blog would stay, as long as i still have my passion of writing within me.
i'm not sure a lot of people read this blog. it never won any awards or got into a book deal. but this blog holds a part of me, and i'll continue writing no matter what.
thanks, everyone!
you're my inspiration everyday :)
sometimes i pity myself that i can't talk to someone about my emotions. at times where i need to burst i dunno where to do that. even if there is someone who i trust enough to confide everything to i don't have the guts to tell them that i need him/her right now and that they're the only one i could trust wholly. i don't have the guts to tell him/her that they're the one i'll come crying to. i don't have to guts to tell him/her that he/she's everything i need coz they'd listen and not judge. i could just bitch and cry and they'd listen. i sound selfish. i mostly am. but i try my best to do the same to him/her.
i hope i did listen to you. i hope i've been good enough a friend for you. i hate to say that you make stupid decisions most of the time, but i won't interfere with that. i'd be content with whatever you chose to do. and if it did turn out to be stupid, i'd be here for you to listen to you talk about how stupid it is. i would, i truly would.
they say you don't know what you got till it's gone. it never felt so true until this time. this time when i realised that you're miles away and i can't reach you easily. this time when i realised that i missed you but i can't say it because of complicated reasons. (i'm a complicated person, i know you know that) i can't just pick up the phone and blurt it all out and wait for you to say those words that, in truth, are the most comforting words ever. you'd pick me back up again, you always do.
i can't bear to think that this time next year you'd be miles away for good. i don't know whether or not i could still reach you. i don't know how. i don't know if i can cope with it.
there's so many "i don't know"s it's driving me crazy.
here's another "i don't know":
i don't know if i'll ever going to tell you all this.
but i think i somehow made a promise to myself that i would, when the right time comes. i don't know how you'll react to it and i don't know if i have enough courage to say it. what i do know is i have to.
or else i'd stay in this horrible misery.
Labels: Totally Random
Wednesday, May 27, 2009 // 7:38 PM
HOME
They say home is where the heart is
But yesterday I gave all my heart to you
I suppose now home is where you are
And I intend to keep it that way
:)
jkt, 27 may 09
7:43 PM
(something i came up with during a hopeless moment in chemistry exam)
Labels: poems
Sunday, May 24, 2009 // 10:25 PM
i turned my head around and glanced a bit at the past. i realised there are some people which i am not so close to anymore. i don't know which one of us pushed each other aside, or maybe other circumstances pushed us aside. i really don't know. but what i really do know is that i regretted every part of it. to have such close friendship with someone, to have someone to come crying to and to bitch about other people with. to have someone that you know would stick by your side no matter what happens. i hated the fact that we are not those people anymore. i really wish i could turn back time and mend the cracking foundation beneath us.
i really don't want to be one of those people who regretted not keeping their closed ones intact by the time they're 50. i don't want to stare at a polaroid and regretted not living in that moment long enough. i don't want to mope around on my own because of regret.
i know one should not look back at the past. but i want to be able to see the same things i did in the past when i looked ahead at the future.
is that even possible? i'm clueless myself. maybe i should start mending things in the present so that i could paint back the past in the future?
thoughts, anyone?
Labels: Thoughtful Thoughts
"Did you say it? 'I love you'... 'I dont ever want to live without you'... 'You changed my life', did you say it? Make a plan, set a goal, work toward it. But every now and then, look around, drink it in. Because, this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow."
last words from season five finale of grey's anatomy. highly emotional season, i must say. i cried more than i usually do. full of surprises, most of them not so good.
and it ends with asystolies, i hate it when it ends that way. and i especially hate this one.
i hate it because it ends tragically.
i hate it because it ends with a cliffhanger.
i hate it because it made me all the more impatient for the next season.
and i especially hate it because it made me procrastinate.
haha.
but yeah. won't write more, due to tendency of giving out spoilers. nope, you won't want that haha.
hope you had a nice weekend, guys.
cya!
Labels: Totally Random
Friday, May 22, 2009 // 12:55 AM
U KICW TIY
What I really meant to say was "I love you"
But all I could come up with was
some cryptic gibberish that made no sense
I hope you understand, nonetheless
(I know you understand.)
PS: the title of the poem is actually spelling out a word that makes perfect sense. anyone wanna try figuring it out?
HINT: look at your keyboard :)
Labels: poems, Totally Random
Sunday, May 17, 2009 // 8:19 PM
yet another awesome post from the amazing william beckett. just thought i'd share:
WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT, EXPECT IT.
I said, ‘hey you, this is me. The idealist inside that holds your hope on a string, wound and tied like kites to all of your dreams and regrets. What a tangled mess that they’ve turned out to be. Take a breath, and ask yourself what matters.’
Days like masquerades, silent, hiding in the shadows,
stripped of their disguise leave you haunted as you scatter.
But you’re always on my mind.
YOU’RE ALWAYS ON MY MIND.
go check out his blog. i love it, i have a great feeling you would too :)
Labels: Totally Random
Saturday, May 16, 2009 // 11:06 PM
yeah. so from now on i'm gonna appreciate movie editors more that i've ever been. so today after piano class i went to ps with sevira and adhyt, to work on our VNR for english oral presentation, due monday. so i've spent the entire afternoon and evening editing our video. i've had the laptop on my lap since 2pm. sat for like, 2 hours at starbucks then another 2 at haagen dasz (we needed a change of scenery, mind you haha).
so yeah, we spent four hours in PS doing just that. wow. i've never done that before. if ever i spent 4 hours in ps it's because we fooled around, watched movies or played pool or something. i usually only sat in starbucks to have a drink, while i waited to be picked up. hmm. but i'm so glad i was really productive. i thought it was rather impossible to do works in the mall haha.
oh a lot of things struck me today.
one of the things was how people who hung out in starbucks uses the to-go cups instead of the for-here glasses. i mean if you intend to sit around for quite a while, i think it's better for the environtment to use the for-here glass. i saw a lot of people, who i knew was going to stay long there, since they had their laptops on and seemed to be having a meeting, and they used the to-go cups. it kinda bothered sevira and i. i mean, it's really good that starbucks had actually put up a sign, reminding the caffeine addicts to go green and use the for-here glass instead. though not much seemed to have take note of it.
hmmm. so there's something to enlighten all yous about one of the measures you can take to save mother earth. and maybe a little advice for starbucks, maybe if the signs are not good enough, why not offer it to buyers when taking their orders? a little more reminders for them probly be a better way. at least they're reminded, as we're not quite used to have the for-here glasses. so anyways, think about it. i think it's better to have for-here glasses in any coffee shops or cafes or restaurants rather then the plastic to-go ones. so there you have it, another day, another way to save the planet :)
oh and another thing struck me today. sevira mentioned that this coming summer holidays would be the last one where we'd come back to high school. i never quite thought about that. i just couldn't wait for it to come, i didn't think about what'd happen when this summer comes to an end. then i feld the insides of my stomach stirred up and sunk a bit. i really hate having to think about the fact that high school's almost over. i really do.
i love high school to the core of the core. despite the fact that this whole IB shitz is slowly deteriorating every part of me. but fact is, we're all fighting together. again although i sometimes feel like giving up, the one thing that would always make me change my mind is the fact that i would miss a lot from high school.
i dont know how i'll get through IB, but i know i can somehow. i'd probably be catatonic inside by the time i finish the final exams. but i'd get through it because it's high school. because it's the best part of my youth life and i don't want to throw it away only because of IAs, TOK essays and EE.
well anyways, so much enlightenment for such a seemingly short day. yeah the whole in front of the laptop thing made the day seem shorter. hargh.
oh haven't wrote about my friday night. haha had awesome time eating sushi. yeah, sushi-eating day out after the end of an exhausting weekday is a very nice remedy indeed. after that we watched angels and demons. which was superbly awesome! everyone must watch it! or better yeat read it! but i'm soooooooooo amazed by the visual effect of when the antimatter blew up. it's soooooooo cool!! hahaha.
but aside from that the story was magnificent as well. hmm feel like reading it again haha. but anyways, i love the underlying message of the movie. and this movie's not as controversial as the davinci code, too. i mean what this movie is trying to project is that even religion are flawed. here's the syllogistic reasoning to that point:
people are flawed
religions are made by people
therefore, religions are flawed
i think that what the movie and book is trying to portray is that people sometimes don't realize that. the thought that religion surpasses everything then might lead to people being irrational and therefore expresses their flaws.
oh shit, why can't i go TOK when i was suppose to do the essay? haaargh. hmmm. but guess what, i may just have a topic for a TOK presentation. i'm claiming it mine hahahah. :D
anyways enough with the TOK bullshits. just go watch the movie. it's extremely marvelous! haha.
so after the movie most people left (ferina, agnes and ariani) soooo that leaves only me, cavin, gino and kaher. so we decided to go play pool. i was extremely lousy at pool. but it was fun, though :D chugged a corona and lime, while i'm at it hahaha.
hmmm. well, so sunday tomorrow. feel like having a lazy one, indeed.
hope you had a nice saturday, guys.
one that DOESN'T involve movie editing.
say hello the the bella luna!
ciao!
Labels: The Times We Spent on Weekends..., Thoughtful Thoughts
Tuesday, May 05, 2009 // 10:44 PM
Yesterday, I was drowing in your love.
Today, I desperately need to be rescued.
Labels: poems, Totally Random
Sunday, May 03, 2009 // 8:44 PM
i'm tired. i just finished a bunch of sketches and one painting for art. i'm officially an IB art slave -.- i've been laboring myself since around 2.30 pm. now it's 8.40pm agh. my room looks like the debris from a recent hurricane just swept into it. and now my hand aches from cutting out a stencil that, as it turns out, hardly helps and is now ruined, seeking refuge in my trash bin. *sigh*
and i can't stop coughing. i cough and cough and cough. agh it's torture. i feel better though. on friday i had a fever, huge headache and severly runny nose.
should i go to school tomorrow?? hmm.
hey guess what i scoured facebook and wound up on cavin's supersampler pics during our cooking session. oooooohhh i want moaaar cooking sesh. there's still loads we havent tried from that nigella cookbook haha.
OH PLEASE DEAR HOLIDAYS I BEG OF YOU TO COME HERE FAST.
and dearest exam week skim by me fast would ya please? like in lightning speed so i can get it done and over with.
hargh. what else is there to talk about?
hmm. swine flu is scary. eekk.
i had these crazy thoughts of me having the swine flu. even my dad asks if any one of my friends went to mexico recently.
we laughed it off hahahah.
i'm beginning to be more random everyday.
hmmm. but here's the way i see it. i think it's one of those freewriting things. yeah i mean i lately just post random stuff just because i feel like it. and i've been doing freewriting quite often lately for me EE. i think it's becoming a habit, really.
lalalalalalala.
ok i think freewriting session's over.
hahaha.
tomorrow's monday.
bummer.
despite the fact, i actually like monday's subjects. no chem or maths woo hoo.
lemme see
me gots art, english, bahasa, tok and econs tmrw.
ok the only boring one is TOK. but it's only a measley 40 minute session (that feels like 40 hours), but i get by it somehow hahaha.
ok then ta-ta my dahlinks.
me mums nagging again haha. (i love you mom, don't take this too seriously haha)
love yous.
Saturday, May 02, 2009 // 2:49 PM
i hate being at home because of a bad flu when i'm supposed to be enjoying a lovely saturday out after all the ib craps i've done over the weekdays.
i hate having to chug down flu meds which leaves a crappy taste in my tounge.
i'm having a bad flu and a crappy weekend. my mom's quarantining me at home. :(
for the past 6 hours since i got back from the doctor's i've stayed in bed with the tv on, watching a friend's marathon, some travel show on natgeo adventure, some cartoon on disney channel. well basically i channel surfed for 6 whole freakin' hours.
egh. sucks to be me.
you guys go enjoy your saturday while i scour the shelf for dvds to watch :s
cyew.
Labels: random rants
