Saturday, May 29, 2010 // 9:00 PM
so it's the 29th of may. the day this blog turns four years old. so to celebrate such day, i have a special quote:
"Eventually over time, we all become our own doppelgangers. Just completely different people who happens to look like us."
the above quote is from episode 24 of season five of how i met your mother. and i think that quote pretty much explains what change really is.
you see, changes are indicators to how far we have grown. and apparently, this blog, as i've mentioned numerous times before, is an archive of my changes. i started this when i was middle school. i had no clue what the international baccalaureate is, or how to spell baccalaureate for that matter. i would have never thought of creating a club at school which aims at preserving traditional cultures. years ago, i don't know the lyrics to saman chants. i didn't know i was going to enroll myself in a media school in the UK. i never knew i could write a 4000 word essay, or fussed about what truth really is.
years ago i couldn't care less about world peace, but now i'm in an organization, which believes that myself and other youths out there are the main vehicles to bring peace into this world. i didn't know i was going to be in cisv and accumulate friends from different corners of the world.
back when i was in the 8th grade, i imagined that i'll be going to prom with that one particular guy that makes my stomach all a-flutter. now, i couldn't care less about such guy, because i'm going with one of my best friends and i know we're going to have a good time.
you see, i have become a whole different person. my viewpoint about a lot of things changed. i took risks along the way, fell down, scraped my knee and managed to scruff off the dust. i gathered up courage and did things i have never thought i would have done four years ago.
aside from that, i graduated high school the day before yesterday. and i have never quite realised how much i've accomplished. i question a lot in this blog about what 'mark' am i gonna leave in this world. what significant thing i'm going to do for a change. i've always strived for that, and for it i call myself a perfectionist. but on may 27 2010, i achieved it.
i left a so-called 'mark' alright. i survived IB, albeit not knowing the results yet, but i got through it, along with 61 other people from my batch. i won four awards that night. each one for economics, theory of knowledge (i know, right, go freakin' figure haha), a 3rd honourable mention and for innovation & enterprise. and my year 11 culturific kids gave me a large bouquet of flowers, on behalf of the seniors.
i know i might sound rather bragging, but i'm proud of what i've achieved. i've reached one of my goals in life and it really felt very accomplishing. you see, i never thought i'd actually reached this point, make all these changes and learned all these fascinating new things.
the way i look at it, it's like i am a doppelganger of my past self. i can't exactly mention a certain post that proves it but i know i've changed. mostly for the better (i hope). but i've grown up now, to a certain point at least. i'm a high school graduate, who will be moving out of her home off to another country in september.
i still can't believe i've made it this far. i have never imagined what kind of person i'd be once i've graduated. but here i am. about to go on to another journey, as a young adult.
so, i think the moment is right.
today is the fourth anniversary of my blog.
and this will be my very last blog post.
i'll continue writing, of course. daily ramblings and all. but not here.
this blog has been a witness of my journey. of how i've grown from a middle school kid to a high school graduate.
so well then.
goodbye, dear blog :)
i'm glad i've continued to write here for it has become a record of, well me.
so i'm nandra.
over and out.
Labels: Thoughtful Thoughts
Wednesday, May 26, 2010 // 10:49 PM
"high school is almost over. go straight for your dream now."
-dorks never say die by pee wee gaskins
i recalled the day i walked into school the first time with my high school uniform. i was glad that i don't have to wear that ugly middle school uniform anymore. i could lose the vest and that aids-ribbon tie. i remember that i tried to convince myself that it was going to be the best years of my life, just like what every other person in this world has always said about high school.
they always say that high school years is the best years of your life.
that statement can't be anymore true. if universal truth does exist in this world, that would be it: high school is the best time of your life.
and that applies even when you're in IB. since day one of the diploma programme we are all in for one hell of a ride. not that we were aware of it back then of course. in the past two years we were buried neck-deep in IAs, WLs, EEs, TOK essays, past papers, revisions, CAS documentations, LOs and other abbreviations no one but those who has gone through IB could make sense of it. and whilst we were in such chaotic situation, we became immune to caffeine and are chronic insomniacs. i remember the night before any assignments are due, my msn won't stop buzzing, as we're all trying to help each other make sense of things. and we'd have online discussions the day before exams, sharing our anxiety in one virtual room. and the days we spent endless hours in starbucks to get our assignments done. or the days we spent at school until dark to finish up our art masterpieces.
i could just go on and on. but despite the fact that we've gone through shitty sleepless days and had to walk around school the next day looking like a freakin' zombie, what matters most is that we didn't do it alone. i had my friend's back and vice versa. we fought together until we get to this point.
this point where it finally ends.
this point where we will no longer be recognized as high school students anymore.
it overwhelmed me that i'm up to this point in life. i never could picture this exact moment. everytime i tried to picture how i would feel, i couldn't really make sense of it. now, as the day looms closer (and by that i mean, less than 24 hours), i still can't make sense how i feel. i'm sad, grateful, happy, overwhelmed and hopeful at the same time.
i think i'll get that rush of feelings tomorrow evening, during the ceremony.
man, i just can't believe it's ending :(
Tuesday, May 25, 2010 // 12:09 AM
i don't like making choices. this is one of the hardest one i've ever made. i just hope it's the right one and will provide great outcomes for my future.
Thursday, May 20, 2010 // 11:18 PM
Tuesday, May 18, 2010 // 9:56 PM
you remember that feeling you get when that special someone smiles at you and butterflies flutter in your stomach?
or when the phone rings and your heart beats faster with each ring because you secretly wish it was him?
or when you listen to that song that reminds you of that wonderful night together and you get all warm and fuzzy inside?
yeah, i miss those feelings.
Labels: Totally Random
Sunday, May 16, 2010 // 5:23 PM
yeah that's what this is. the owner of this blog is finally making an apparition. and this is what's been going on since i last posted:
- the IB exam. i'm down to 3 papers left, which is econs on wednesday and thursday. and so far how's it going? well for once cardiff and that 36 they need to let me in is getting quite distant. i really hope not though. but i'm just being... realistically pessimistic.
- my dearly talented designer of an aunt is so close to getting my prom dress done. it's gorgeous and i can't wait to wear it.
well basically that's about it. my life has been mundane than ever. on exam days my routine would constitute of waking up (early or not so early, depending on the exam on the particular day), a bit of tv, showering, eat, go to school, review and panic, do exam, eat, go home and sleep/eat first then sleep, wake up close to dinner time, eat, review, eat while reviewing, fool around on the world wide web, sleep. on non-exam days like today, my dad constitutes of movie marathon for hours on end. and a bit of jam legend.
my life is boring.
must spice it up during the summer.
Sunday, May 02, 2010 // 10:58 PM
1. friends from overseas are coming back! :)
2. have major epic crazy fun with high school friends, coz we're done with our torturous 2 years of IB and we can do whatever we freakin' wnat! fuggyeah!!
3. meet up with long lost friends, be it elementary school friends or cisv friends :)
4. go to cairo, egypt and meet amazing new people who will be my friends :)
you see, friends are the only reason why summer will be worth the wait :)
(too many smilies in this post. oh well)