FUNTASIES!

last but not least...

2010-05-29T21:00:00.002+07:00

so it's the 29th of may. the day this blog turns four years old. so to celebrate such day, i have a special quote:

"Eventually over time, we all become our own doppelgangers. Just completely different people who happens to look like us."

the above quote is from episode 24 of season five of how i met your mother. and i think that quote pretty much explains what change really is.

you see, changes are indicators to how far we have grown. and apparently, this blog, as i've mentioned numerous times before, is an archive of my changes. i started this when i was middle school. i had no clue what the international baccalaureate is, or how to spell baccalaureate for that matter. i would have never thought of creating a club at school which aims at preserving traditional cultures. years ago, i don't know the lyrics to saman chants. i didn't know i was going to enroll myself in a media school in the UK. i never knew i could write a 4000 word essay, or fussed about what truth really is.

years ago i couldn't care less about world peace, but now i'm in an organization, which believes that myself and other youths out there are the main vehicles to bring peace into this world. i didn't know i was going to be in cisv and accumulate friends from different corners of the world.

back when i was in the 8th grade, i imagined that i'll be going to prom with that one particular guy that makes my stomach all a-flutter. now, i couldn't care less about such guy, because i'm going with one of my best friends and i know we're going to have a good time.

you see, i have become a whole different person. my viewpoint about a lot of things changed. i took risks along the way, fell down, scraped my knee and managed to scruff off the dust. i gathered up courage and did things i have never thought i would have done four years ago.

aside from that, i graduated high school the day before yesterday. and i have never quite realised how much i've accomplished. i question a lot in this blog about what 'mark' am i gonna leave in this world. what significant thing i'm going to do for a change. i've always strived for that, and for it i call myself a perfectionist. but on may 27 2010, i achieved it.

i left a so-called 'mark' alright. i survived IB, albeit not knowing the results yet, but i got through it, along with 61 other people from my batch. i won four awards that night. each one for economics, theory of knowledge (i know, right, go freakin' figure haha), a 3rd honourable mention and for innovation & enterprise. and my year 11 culturific kids gave me a large bouquet of flowers, on behalf of the seniors.

i know i might sound rather bragging, but i'm proud of what i've achieved. i've reached one of my goals in life and it really felt very accomplishing. you see, i never thought i'd actually reached this point, make all these changes and learned all these fascinating new things.

the way i look at it, it's like i am a doppelganger of my past self. i can't exactly mention a certain post that proves it but i know i've changed. mostly for the better (i hope). but i've grown up now, to a certain point at least. i'm a high school graduate, who will be moving out of her home off to another country in september.

i still can't believe i've made it this far. i have never imagined what kind of person i'd be once i've graduated. but here i am. about to go on to another journey, as a young adult.

so, i think the moment is right.

today is the fourth anniversary of my blog.

and this will be my very last blog post.

i'll continue writing, of course. daily ramblings and all. but not here.

this blog has been a witness of my journey. of how i've grown from a middle school kid to a high school graduate.

so well then.

goodbye, dear blog :)

i'm glad i've continued to write here for it has become a record of, well me.

so i'm nandra.

over and out.

endpoint.

2010-05-26T22:49:00.002+07:00

"high school is almost over. go straight for your dream now."

-dorks never say die by pee wee gaskins

i recalled the day i walked into school the first time with my high school uniform. i was glad that i don't have to wear that ugly middle school uniform anymore. i could lose the vest and that aids-ribbon tie. i remember that i tried to convince myself that it was going to be the best years of my life, just like what every other person in this world has always said about high school.

they always say that high school years is the best years of your life.

that statement can't be anymore true. if universal truth does exist in this world, that would be it: high school is the best time of your life.

and that applies even when you're in IB. since day one of the diploma programme we are all in for one hell of a ride. not that we were aware of it back then of course. in the past two years we were buried neck-deep in IAs, WLs, EEs, TOK essays, past papers, revisions, CAS documentations, LOs and other abbreviations no one but those who has gone through IB could make sense of it. and whilst we were in such chaotic situation, we became immune to caffeine and are chronic insomniacs. i remember the night before any assignments are due, my msn won't stop buzzing, as we're all trying to help each other make sense of things. and we'd have online discussions the day before exams, sharing our anxiety in one virtual room. and the days we spent endless hours in starbucks to get our assignments done. or the days we spent at school until dark to finish up our art masterpieces.

i could just go on and on. but despite the fact that we've gone through shitty sleepless days and had to walk around school the next day looking like a freakin' zombie, what matters most is that we didn't do it alone. i had my friend's back and vice versa. we fought together until we get to this point.

this point where it finally ends.

this point where we will no longer be recognized as high school students anymore.

it overwhelmed me that i'm up to this point in life. i never could picture this exact moment. everytime i tried to picture how i would feel, i couldn't really make sense of it. now, as the day looms closer (and by that i mean, less than 24 hours), i still can't make sense how i feel. i'm sad, grateful, happy, overwhelmed and hopeful at the same time.

i think i'll get that rush of feelings tomorrow evening, during the ceremony.

man, i just can't believe it's ending :(

yet another dilemma of choices

2010-05-25T00:09:00.002+07:00

i don't like making choices. this is one of the hardest one i've ever made. i just hope it's the right one and will provide great outcomes for my future.

2010-05-20T23:18:00.007+07:00

I SURVIVED IB!

missing feelings.

2010-05-18T21:56:00.004+07:00

you remember that feeling you get when that special someone smiles at you and butterflies flutter in your stomach?

or when the phone rings and your heart beats faster with each ring because you secretly wish it was him?

or when you listen to that song that reminds you of that wonderful night together and you get all warm and fuzzy inside?

yeah, i miss those feelings.

apparition.

2010-05-16T17:23:00.002+07:00

yeah that's what this is. the owner of this blog is finally making an apparition. and this is what's been going on since i last posted:

the IB exam. i'm down to 3 papers left, which is econs on wednesday and thursday. and so far how's it going? well for once cardiff and that 36 they need to let me in is getting quite distant. i really hope not though. but i'm just being... realistically pessimistic.
my dearly talented designer of an aunt is so close to getting my prom dress done. it's gorgeous and i can't wait to wear it.

well basically that's about it. my life has been mundane than ever. on exam days my routine would constitute of waking up (early or not so early, depending on the exam on the particular day), a bit of tv, showering, eat, go to school, review and panic, do exam, eat, go home and sleep/eat first then sleep, wake up close to dinner time, eat, review, eat while reviewing, fool around on the world wide web, sleep. on non-exam days like today, my dad constitutes of movie marathon for hours on end. and a bit of jam legend.

my life is boring.

must spice it up during the summer.

ciao.

reasons why i want summer

2010-05-02T22:58:00.002+07:00

1. friends from overseas are coming back! :)

2. have major epic crazy fun with high school friends, coz we're done with our torturous 2 years of IB and we can do whatever we freakin' wnat! fuggyeah!!

3. meet up with long lost friends, be it elementary school friends or cisv friends :)

4. go to cairo, egypt and meet amazing new people who will be my friends :)

you see, friends are the only reason why summer will be worth the wait :)

(too many smilies in this post. oh well)

2010-04-25T20:43:00.002+07:00

Even though I'll never need her,

Even though she's only giving me pain,

I'll be on my knees to feed her,

Spend a day to make her smile again.

Even though I'll never need her,

Even though she's only giving me pain,

As the world is soft around her,

Leaving me with nothing to disdain.

Even though I'm not her minder,

Even though she doesn't want me around,

I am on my feet to find her,

To make sure that she is safe and sound.

Even though I'm not her minder,

Even though she doesn't want me around,

I am on my feet to find her,

To make sure that she is safe from harm.

The sun sets on the war,

The day breaks and everything is new.

The sun sets on the war,

The day breaks and everything is new.

Everything is new. (3 times)

The sun sets on the war,

The day breaks and everything is new.

-Winning the Battle, Losing the War by Kings of Convenience

because some people are just worth saving. because their survival is key to our survival. because the rhythms of their breath is what keeps us from gasping for air.

because they're just simply the reason.

this song made me realise that. i get goosebumps whenever i listen to this song.

2010-04-21T20:17:00.004+07:00

pengen belajar animasi

pengen belajar fotografi

pengen bikin video stop motion

pengen belajar nari bali

pengen belajar nari ballet

pengen bisa main piano lagi

pengen bikin novel

pengen bisa komposisi lagu

pengen bikin film

pengen menginspirasi orang-orang

pengen bisa berani jalan-jalan ke negeri orang sendiri

pengen berani tinggal di negeri orang sendiri

banyak maunya ya gw, aspirasi gw jadi ga fokus gini.

tapi mudah2an suatu hari salah satu bisa gw coret. gw butuh suatu accomplishment biar bisa membanggakan diri sendiri dan insyaallah orang lain juga. capek nyesel terus.

today...

2010-04-17T22:58:00.002+07:00

... i bought a new pair of tennis shoes

i had sushi for lunch

played with a cute little baby boy

watched wall-e

today also marks the day i lost faith in love

the day home won't feel like one anymore

that changes are forever

the day i can't look at anyone in the eye... at all.

fuck you who dared to ruin my day.

streams of realisations.

2010-04-07T23:32:00.002+07:00

hey :)

i know i rarely update this blog lately, but i've been opening it in the middle of working on my homeworks and just kinda read through previous posts. recently i've been overwhelmed at the fact of how i wound up right here right now. i remembered the time when i wasn't even sure what i want to major in and now i find myself freaking out over my IB scores that might not be sufficient enough for me to enter the top media school in the UK. heck i get overwhelmed at the fact that i'm graduating in a matter of just a couple of months.

so i take time to read this blog's previous posts, try to retrace the steps as i ask myself, what did i do this time last year? what was in my mind? what happened to me? and as i read those posts it's like watching myself grow. i know i'm not fully mature, but i know i've grown into well... something. the way i see it, when i started this blog i was like in a lifeboat, not knowing where to go and just rowing until i find something sufficient to set my foot on. now i think i've set foot on land, i'm no longer aimlessly wandering anymore.

well, okay not exactly, but some part of me have. i know i've set my foot down on a few principles i'm going to hold on to. such as about my faith and spirituality, although i still don't quite have my equilibrium right, but i find myself as an agnostic at the moment. i believe there's a stronger deity out there and i do believe in guardian angels, i just choose to show that in other ways that does not conform to certain religions. it's a complex matter to expose here, but it's an example of how i felt that i've grown.

and one of the most important thing i've learned in life is that there is so much more to someone than meets the eye. i use to be kind of judgemental about people, and i kind of shut them off whenever i find their flaws. i feel now that i've kind of been able to oversee those flaws, in fact it's what makes people interesting to get to know and befriend with. in my life there are some people i deeply adore because of what they have deep down inside them. they could be such douchebags sometimes, i mean it. sometimes i really just want to bang their head to the wall for their insults, in which they seem to have let slip from their mouth without trying to whizz up that brain of theirs. but, honestly, it's just one little part of them and that doesn't make them what they are. deep down inside i find them to be the most honest, sincere, thoughtful person i've ever met. and as i build the bridge between me and that other amazing person i slowly begin to trust them. for some of them i trust them with my secrets and breakdowns. some i merely entrust them with my happiness, i know that in one way or another those people will make me happy.

yes, so in that matter i've quite outgrown that middle school kid who got her heart broken for the very first time at the early days of writing this blog. in matters of heartbreak i'm not quite sure if i've quite understand how to get around it. but at least i'm starting to be able to cope with it. i think with the strings of experience being unrequited didn't make me weaker in anyway, but it somehow made me stronger. i may not have glued the pieces perfectly together again, but at least i manage to tape it up, though not strong enough at least its together. but of course i still wonder what it's like to not be unrequited, just like the me back in ummm 2006 wasn't it, when i started this blog??

hmmm i remember that time in english class, my teacher asked us to finish the sentence: "growing up is..." i think i've posted about this sometime a few months ago. i think this post best describe how to finish that sentence. i think one of the indicator of growing up is to have few streams of realisations, about a few aspects of life. yea, just a few will do just right, 'cause seriously, you can't grasp understanding on every single detailed aspect of life. because that way you'll keep growing up.

well this seems like a very... insightful post. haven't written anything like this in a while haha. but i feel like i have to channel these thoughts somewhere, and having this blog up for nearly four years i think it's the best place to expose it. besides, this virtual little universe has been a witness of some of my history and has kept record of it. and will continue to until God knows when.

well anyways, folks it's getting kinda late. got another school day tomorrow, which kinda sucks but i'll bear with it. besides, i only have, what, 25 days left until exams. so i'm gonna learn to cherish it.

good night everyone. take your smiles to your dreams tonight so you could wake up with one big smile in the morning. between the grunts and squinting eyes as you try to make out the numbers showing the time and hitting the snooze button repeatedly, of course :)

BEST. SHOW. EVER. HANDS. DOWN.

2010-03-29T00:32:00.002+07:00

The things I did to see two Norwegian boys sing and strum their guitar and did their magic:

1. Browse through kaskus, which was filled with freak terminologies, i didn't get a single word anyone's saying on the site.

2. Texted 5 strangers for any extra tickets, tweeted some random person on twitter also for tickets. Only to get 3 replies saying their tickets are sold out, and the rest never replied. But finally got the tix thanks to my dear friend, Rasti.

3. Photoshopped a fake ID in less than an hour and got it printed.

4. Spend 40thousand on a taxi ride to laminate the said fake ID which only costs 1thou. no kidding.

5. ...only to find out they don't even check for ID at the venue. pricks.

6. waited approx. 3 hours for KOC to come out. had to go through Hollywood Nobody, which was surprisingly good. and Whiteshoes which was reaaaally great. and Jens Lekman, which was surprisingly kinda boring, though i like his songs. i just don't think he can bring it acoustically, his songs are much too lively to be played with only an acoustic guitar and a percussion.

But after all that crazy madness. It was worth it.

Because it was the. best. show. ever. hands. freakin'. down.

Erlend was soooo funny and he did that goofy dance of his. Eirik was just awesomeeeee. Their voices are still echoing in my head.

And I think I'd like to go to bed with their voices echoing through my mind.

Good night, everyone :)

P.S: Soundshine is officially the most paranoid promotor EVER. Period.

life so far.

2010-03-19T21:35:00.003+07:00

so i haven't blogged in ages. but oh well, i am now.

right, it's march already. just finished mocks, thank god! dunno if it went well though. some of it was well. but i thought i'd do better, coz it's kinda the one last shot to prove myself i could handle may. then again i was wrong. and i've got exactly 45 days to get myself fully prepared. how am i gonna get myself to do that, i have no idea, but i'll find a way.

meanwhile, as may is approaching, i try not to focus on the gruesome fact that IB kids' doomsday is soon approaching, i'm just gonna try to focus on what epic shit i'm gonna do after may! well you know what we IBfucked say: the party don't start till may 25th.

and when may 25th gets here we gonna make the roof crumble down.

so here's my list of what i wanna do after may:

1. star wars marathon

the idea: watch the episodes in NUMERICAL ORDER, not the order of when it came out. would be pretty interesting, since usually when you watch movies with sequels, the newer the sequel the better the visual fx. it'll be pretty interesting to see it the other way around, no?

2. crash a wedding

the idea: errr, get free food, wish the bride and groom a long, happy marriage. and leave a note that'll hopefully warm the heart of the couple.

3. movie marathon

the idea: watch ALL the movies showing in the cinema on that day. regardless of the genre or the degree of crappiness. just watch. and eat popcorn. and try not to analyse the literary devices used in the movie.

4. re-read harry potter from sorcerer's stone to deathly hallows

the idea: cherish the one thing that makes me happy ever since i was in fourth grade.

5. cook a three course meal

the idea: hmm, just cook. an appetizer, a main course and a dessert. preferably for dinner. i think it's a good way to refine my cooking skills. hey, i'm gonna need it once i'm outta here. better start now, right?

right, so that's my plan. i so can't wait to do all of it haha. oh meanwhile, got special plans for the summer too!

first, i'm going to egypt. yes, as in land of the pharaoh. and what better way to spend my time there other than be in a CISV camp! woot yeaaah! i'm going there for seminar camp :)

i'm very stoked about it. since one of the things in my life-list is to set foot on the soil of at least one country in every continent in the world. the only one continent left is africa, and i've always dreamed of going there. i just can't believe i'd be able to accomplish that one thing on my life-list at this age.

second, another bali adventure for meeee!! yes a bunch of cisv mates are planning for a backpacking-spirited-but-we'll-be-carrying-suitcases trip around bali. which'll be FUN :)

i so can't wait for all of that.

but gotta get my foot back on the ground now.

two more artworks still waiting to be finished.

*sigh*

choices.

2010-03-06T20:39:00.002+07:00

don't you just hate it when you have to make choices? i'm about to make one that would affect the outcome of my future from here on end. with five conditional offers for uk universities in hand, well of course i'm relieved, but here comes the part where i hate most. i have to choose.

from five of my choices i have to choose two universities, one of which i'd have to attend if i fullfil the requirement. this is the part where i have to make sure i don't make the wrong choice, coz if ever i do, i'd be miserable and i don't want to be miserable.

so there goes the long list of pros and cons. and endless probing this or thats. school prestige or the awesome programme? london or outside london? specific degree or a somewhat more broad one?

currently i'm torn between cardiff and goldsmiths. yes, i am stoked cardiff gave me an offer, as they are a russell group university. but currently i am deeply in love with the media and modern lit programme in goldsmiths. the catch? it's in london, which means costly living.

i've gotta give a reply by may at the latest (i think). it's still a long time but then again i really can't get it off my mind.

what oh what am i supposed to do??

Sword

2010-03-01T20:17:00.003+07:00

so if you noticed, i posted some stuff with incredibly well-written words that are just amazing and inspiring. of course, i posted a link, to the source, which is pleasefindthis or I Wrote This For You. for some of you who don't quite know what it is, i've done some research and this probably describes the project best:

"I Wrote This For You is written by two lovers who respond to each other only through the blog as a way to hide their romance. Collectively, they refer to themselves as Iain Thomas, a character based on a friend they met while traveling in Africa, although sometimes they also refer to themselves as Jon Ellis, whom, it is assumed, is also a character based on a friend.

This was revealed in phone-in television interview on National Singaporean Television in December of 2009."

i think it's just so sweet. in a way, their hiding their romance, yet they're actually proclaiming it to everyone. whoever and where-ever they are, i very much salute them, as their posts always remind me that love actually exist.

i suggest you go check out their stuff here: pleasefindthis

You have my sword.

random rants live with it.

2010-02-24T21:02:00.002+07:00

"Go cut me down and I'm still gon grow"

IB's been pissing all over my life lately. it's like it'll never end. essays after essays just keep coming after me on a fuckin wild goose chase. and my procrastination habit ain't getting any better either, so that adds to the endless cycle of frustration.

but ya know what.

i should stop whining, and please do kindly remind me to, i tend to forget. coz it'll be over soon and hopefully i'll understand what the benefit is from enduring 2 years of hell. and right after i aced those may 2010 exam papers imma have epic plans that needs to be put into action. epic shit that'll be the pinnacle of my young life hopefully. i'll reveal those so-called epic crazy plans sometime later though.

right now i gotta focus on the remaining shits i gotta do before i could end this thing. oh btw, i've gotten 5 conditional offers from UK universities. so at least a part of myself can take a breather. at least university apps are done. now what i gotta do is live up to that predicted grade of mine, and ace that 36 i need to get into cardiff.

yes, they asked for a 36 and i just found out today and yes it was shocking. i really wanna get it there, it's the top media school, according to the good university guide. so, 36 it is.

please tell me i can get thru this?

in the mean time, i have a date with cas paperworks (yes, beurocracy is a biatch bby), media option written task and development econs to study for.

what am i doingggg??? AGH

2010-02-16T23:59:00.002+07:00

Someone you haven't even met yet is wondering what it'd be like to know someone like you.

pleasefindthis

And I can't wait to finally meet you :)

fourteenth of february

2010-02-14T19:12:00.002+07:00

so here's two ways of looking at valentine's day

the pessimist way: the day where mr. al capone decided to shoot 4 of his rivals dead.

the optimist way: the day to spread some love, buy em flowers chocolates etc.

until around half an hour ago i've looked at it the pessimist way. heck i don't even realised it was valentine's day until i watched the movie yesterday. so i didn't really care about today, it was just like any other sunday, where i am reminded (in the hard way) that i have school again tomorrow and i better get those stupid homeworks done fast or else. so far, today all i've done was continued working on my artwork, studied math, watched the so you think you can dance marathon, that's it. no candlelight dinner or any of those cheesy romantic shit.

i've been in a bit of an ugly mood today, probably from the lack of sleep i've had lately and other shitty things. and when i my mood gets ugly i started to take it out on other people. nope. i have not been the most loving person in the most loving day.

but hey, i'm sorry for that, coz by that time it hasn't hit me yet. the fact that i have the most loving people around me and i love them too. i may not realise that every single minute of the day but i know i do. because really, without them i couldn't find the oxygen i need to breathe.

i really can't write everyone's name here on this post. but you know who you guys are. if you ever felt like you've been hanging around my life for quite a while, you are most definitely loved by me. each in every different way, but it still is love.

i'm sorry if i didn't give anyone any chocolates, roses, complementary dinners or whatever, all i could try to do is give the best of myself to everyone. and hate as less as possible :)

i love you.

-nandra

"you wont be seventeen forever ~"

2010-02-05T14:27:00.004+07:00

so there you go. it's my birthday today and i'm 17. which is supposedly a big deal. coz i get my ID and i'm legally an adult. i suppose. i didn't wake up with some revelation though, i woke up because my grandmother called me and only then i realised i just grew another year older.

can't believe another year went down the drain.

*sigh*

so anyways my mom's convince i'm "all grown up now". meh, i snide at the commentary, i don't feel so grown up just yet. sorry mom :/ i love you though :)

but hey here's an interesting thing, few days ago in english class we were supposed to finish a sentence: "growing up is..."

truly at that moment everything pop up in my head simultaneously i don't know how to finish that sentence. but amongst them is a line to the ataris' in this diary:

being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up.

so i guess that says it all. growing up has been fun. and i couldn't have done it without my friends.

and i think now i know what growing up is all about, it's about

not doing crazy epic shit(s)...

alone.

you see, those crazy epic shit(s) can be basically anything. it can be

getting lost in the streets of singapore, dancing to the beat of a metronome, spending (literally) 10 hours straight in dufan, getting into an angkot with 13 people and spend 2 hours circling bogor in it, missing a bus stop and ended up at the changi airport, get a picture taken with that cute guy from one of your favorite bands, dance till dawn in bali, spend an amazing 3 weeks in another land with people you barely knew at the beginning but turn out to be the most amazing people ever (and being detached from technology in the process :D ), going out to the same mall in the same week just to get together, spending hours stalking bands on youtube, throwing surprises on birthdays, playing pool even when you know full well you suck at it but you do it anyways, finishing 30 polaroid films in one night, going to that awesome concert, even......... getting through IB.

yes, i do consider getting through IB as crazy epic shit.

you know what all, it comes down to is doing it with your friends.

because it won't be epic at all without them by your side.

so i guess i'll end this post here :)

thank you for the birthday wishes on twitter, facebook, txt msgs etc. i feel so loved and blessed :)

i love you all <3

I write just because.

2010-01-24T22:31:00.002+07:00

I write because I like to create what I thought should have been. I write to recreate memories and emotions. And yes, like whoever sends the secret above, I write because I like to create happy endings, which in life so far I find it to be close to non-existent.

And I'll write until I lose faith of happy endings.

it's official.

2010-01-14T13:57:00.002+07:00

yeah, so it's officially the first day of school.

waking up so early at 6am was very much dreadful. followed by the not-so-warm shower then the agonizing ride to school, facing the morning traffic. well the prospect of seeing my friends after a while felt heartwarming. it was nice to go crazy with friends again.

but the official school hour started with me finding out that i failed math. great, like i need another disappointment.
my hard work on my stereotype photography art project, plus my expenditure of 1 million rupiah ++, was finally paid off. i got my highest mark on art ever, a stunning 85.
yes, i'm boasting my academic achievements and i'm very proud of myself.

not much happening today. the only real studying sesh only happened in econs. but the whole study pressure is officially here. bummer.

in art class now, not doing anything. i claimed to be "finding inspiration" when mr. boy asked me what i'm doing. haha.

i guess i'll try and do that now. find inspiration.
stumbleupon here i come.

lovee.

homecoming :)

2010-01-08T21:47:00.002+07:00

i'm home.

well actually i have been circa 12 hours ago.

beijing was awesome i spose. despite the awful new year's eve and blistering cold weather. although i love the fresh white snow, but snide at the sight of dirty ones with people's shoeprint on them. went to historical places, and of course the great wall. yes, the ones with massive staircases leading up to serene, beautiful, natural scenery up top. contemplated on whether or not to go back there on september to study chinese. the language that is. 'cause, my dad is hell bent on sending me there. i'm still very much unsure whether i should go or not. but i think with the pressure he's putting on me regarding that, i have this huge gut feeling that i will go. and i still don't know whether i'm going to be okay with it or not.

well enough emotional ramblings. it's good to be home. as crappy as the traffic goes in this city, it's where i feel most comfortable being :)

cheers.

#09memories and #2010wishes

2009-12-31T22:55:00.000+07:00

okay so here's the thing alright. i'm all the way here in beijing, china. it's new year's eve and it's VERY QUIET. ok i mean come on! the new year starts tomorrow, a whole new beginning and i don't hear a single firecracker anywhere. god, i hate it that i'm all the way here, not back home where i could celebrate new year in festivity. this sucks :/
i know that what matters at this time of year is to not be alone, at least you have someone with you to share happiness with and stuff. but here's the thing aight my parents aren't really embracing new years as well. so i'm stuck trying to be festive when no one is. that's gotta be the most shittiest feeling ever. srsly. this is practically the first new year's eve where i feel just so fucking miserable. i know i should be grateful that i could even have vacation here and everything but see i like festivity, i like celebrating stuffs and if i'm not celebrating something when i'm supposed to i get pissed. like right now for instance. agh.
plus, the chinese govt blocks blogger so i have to use proxy which makes the posting page all messed up !

anyways. see in twitter hashtags of #09memories and #2010wishes are popping up on everyone's timeline. so i guess instead on dwelling in my own little fuckedup-ness i'm gonna list them hashtags! woot!

#09memories :
- BALI. no questions asked, hands down the craziest most memorable trip i've ever had :)
- SINGAPORE. DITTO! just with different people whom i equally love :)
- PROTOTYPE CAMP 4. every single aspect of it. the team building. the camp itself. the crazy DUFAN trip. it was one hell of a crazy ride i'll never ever forget
- EUROTRIP! awesome trip with the family, met old friends too
- AWESOME CONCERTS OF 09: ALL-AMERICAN REJECTS, JAVA JAZZ + JASON MRAZ.
- FAREWELL DINNERS :( not so pleasant a memory, but having so much in a year makes me realise i have so much love for so many of my humans :)
- EVERY SINGLE SECOND IN HIGH SCHOOL. these goes to all the fighters at school, who are all fighting to just pass IB and be freakin done with it.

#2010wishes:
- PASS IB AND JUST BE DONE WITH IT.
- get myself prepared for whatever i chose to do after high school.
- LOVE. i don't need a certain special guy or anything, but as my highschool year closes soon, i'd like to spread more love and less hatred :)

okay not so much wishes for next year. not yet i guess. wish no.1 is the most important and of top priority though :) alright folks. go have an awsome new year. imma just dance around like an idiot on my own when the clock strikes 12 in less than an hour.

love.

xmas !

2009-12-25T23:32:00.003+07:00

ok so i don't celebrate christmas. but what i know is during this kind of festive holidays you don't want to wound up alone. and i'm so glad that i didn't this year.

i had a real fine christmas night with my cisv lovelies: ray eko inez ariel ardy. not much of them but at least i got to see them after quite a while. especially ardy, who finally flew back home :)

it really feels so glad to be taken into the warm arms of someone dear to you who you haven't seen in a reaaal long time :) it's like finally all the longing you've kept during their absence are finally released from deep inside your gut. it feels great. really great.

we just got together for the classic combination of hanging out activities consisting of having dinner and watching a movie. we watched planet 51, which was slightly hilarious. not that much funny, but it's a feel good movie, as my friend ray puts it. haha very true.

i feel really good today.

nothing like spending time with friends.

hope you all have a blasting christmas with your loved ones. even if you're not doing anything at all christmas-y haha.

cheers everyone!

to reconnect or not to reconnect?

2009-12-22T21:27:00.003+07:00

so here's the thing.

once upon a time i had this friend(s). we were close, really. back then we'd spend lots of holidays together. it'd be me, my brother, them, and their parents. i don't know how it happened, but somewhere along the way our parents' friendship was severed. well, particularly our fathers, 'cause they were the college friends in the first place. i remembered my parents telling me in the wake of the severed friendship, that i could still contact my friends, through email or something, but there is very very slim possibility of getting together like we used to again.

so i accepted that fact just because they told me to. but i realised i didn't really do all that. i never kept contact. i never tried to. granted, i was still in grade school back then, so maybe i didn't know any better. though, now i repeatedly wish i did.

but lately, in the midst of this very much digitally interconnected life we live in right now (thanks to facebook and twitter) i somehow found them. and that pang of realisation hit me real hard. i didn't try to save our friendship. i mean we could've, despite the fact that our parents' severed friendship. i let that drag our friendship to severity too.

for weeks now i've been contemplating on trying to reconnect or just let it be. i mean, our status would most probably get stuck on being each other's virtual friends on facebook and each other's twitter followers. it wouldn't bring back what we've had ages ago.

i don't like the idea of severed friendships. especially if it's wasn't because of either of us. we had external forces pulling us apart. so i just sent one of them a message telling them of the circumstances, which i only have recently comprehended. i don't know how it'd turn out. if she happens to think i'm a creep for writing her such bizarre message, then i guess that isn't my luck.

but i think everything's worth a shot. so i took that shot.

whatever happens, i'll just let it happen.

it's better than sitting here leafing through the newfound, dusty images of past times and wondering what could have been.

at least i did something to try and save it.

i think that's enough. at least for now.

feeling a bit nostalgic :')

2009-12-13T20:50:00.002+07:00

that is so true. well although not all are annoying. but there's that one annoying song. like in summer camp my friend eetu kept on singing "two girls one cup" and doug sings out "the ultimate showdown of the ultimate destiny" from time to time. and then there's the kuburan band's song from proto. that song (lupa lupa ingat) is such, a goddamn annoying song. i mean, seriously. considering the lyrics practically only comprises of the band singing out the chords to the song.

it. is. very. very. stupid.

but it stuck. and i'd sing along with my campers whenever that song comes up. i would. it's an impulse.

i love that about camps. i think those songs, as insipid and ludicrous as they may be, are one of those time machines that brings you back to that one particular summer. i also find it as some sort of reminder that what i had that summer was real, and the evidence to that is the after effect those songs gives me whenever they play in the radio or something, which is the rush of memories flooding into your mind. you'd find yourself smiling, grinning or tearing up to those songs.

that's the proof that what i had was not a dream.

a prove that i had something worthwhile.

i had something not even gold can replace.

and that matters more than anything else.

what was someone else's was actually also mine.

2009-12-09T00:17:00.002+07:00

i read someone else's love letter on bill shapiro's other people's love letter you never meant to see only to find that it was what i've meant to say to you for a very long time.

come back. i miss you so much.

(you don't have to miss me back. i just need your presence in a considerable proximity, not halfway around the world. that's enough for me.)

i feel pathetic sometimes

own it up!

2009-12-03T21:03:00.004+07:00

PostSecret: Confessions on Life, Death and God from Frank Warren on Vimeo.

"You know all those books I had but I don't let you read? It's just all these love poems that are about you."

I think she was one of the bravest amongst these people. I could never own up to the fact that I really care about someone out there and I make poems about them. Amongst those people in the video, I found some of their secrets to be mine as well. I didn't quite realise that it was actually mine.

Ever since I found out about Frank Warren's Postsecret project, I have been continually inspired in one way or the other. But one of the greatest impact about his project is that I actually found a piece of myself amongst a total stranger's secret. It somehow makes me feel a little less alone. There's comfort in that.

I think it takes real courage to own up to your own secrets. I think this is a really great visualisation of Frank Warren's great work. And I really envy those people who are filmed in this video. I greatly envy their courage to accept their own limitations and actually tell it to millions of other people out there.

I don't think I have such courage yet. But I'm bound to find it sooner or later.

Wish me luck :)

the one thing i've left unsaid.

2009-11-30T18:31:00.002+07:00

"And when I asked you how you've been I meant I missed you more than I've ever missed anything before."

pleasefindthis

let's time travel.

2009-11-29T22:47:00.003+07:00

"I'd like to go back to the times where the laughters we shared were as sincere as it could get, and the tears weren't so bad after all because I know I've got your shoulder to cry on."

imysm.

the conversation.

2009-11-24T23:39:00.003+07:00

You: So how many are there?

Me: What do you mean? Where?

You: In the crowd. How many are there?

Me: One.

You: Really?

Me: Yeah. You.

[followed by a moment of awkward silence, in which you ponder on two things, to let me be part of your crowd or shun me from it. i hope you pick the former.]

downpour.

2009-11-13T18:14:00.002+07:00

You are the living, breathing version of torrential downpour.

You could amaze and damage me at the same time.

11/11

2009-11-12T00:13:00.003+07:00

hey blog. long time no post. i have nothing on my mind tonight, due to extreme clogging somewhere in the brain area because of excessive IB shitz pushed into it.

but hey guess what. today's 11/11. i dunno why i find it special. nothing special happened though. as always.

*sigh*

i got a txt from rena today, inviting me to her farewell dinner. i read it with my eyes half open, as i just woke up from my nap slash 3-hour beauty sleep. but i understood the message clearly, alright. i hate farewell dinners. i think i've mentioned that before. :'(

another friend leaving. great.

i'm gonna miss rena, we had too much awesome memories together. :')

good luck in spore, babe. imma visit her on december though, so that sounds fine haha.

it's past midnight. haven't really studied econs, test tmrw. die.

haven't stenciled my stuffs for art too. photoshoot's on friday. daymn.

where's that fast-forward button when i need one?

i want weekends.

meanwhile, i'm gonna try and drift myself off to sleep. gaahh.

p.s: btw, i changed my header and background. but honestly, dyou think the background color looks like the color of fresh poop in the morning? please do give your thoughts, coz if one person says it does imma change it haha.

shut

2009-11-03T22:06:00.003+07:00

sometimes i feel like i'm shut in my own mind. i closed all doors and build a brick wall around myself. i don't let anything else in. just me and my thoughts, wandering everywhere. incredulous fantasies about what could have been and endless what ifs. unfiltered as they run through my mind.

i don't know if it's good or bad, though. 'cause it gets lonely after a while.

hmm, it's confusing :s

stereotyping is inescapable

2009-10-29T21:56:00.003+07:00

something is bothering me. i just read this article on jakarta post [link]. and i must say it got me thinking.

i suggest you read the article before moving on to read this post.

you see, the issue of stereotypes have been bothering me a lot. i kept a mindset that stereotyping is a form of prejudice. you frown upon people who you do not favour. whether it is the way they dress, the music they listen to or apparently, according to the jakarta post article, the way we type words to appear on the monitor.

i tried so hard to not be prejudiced towards people who i don't know. i mean, you really can't judge the true qualities of a person just by the way they dress. we might not like their style, but it doesn't mean they should be frowned at and be blatantly mocked at.

but here's where my hypocrisy lies.

i didn't do any of that. i didn't look at a person and not frown upon the way they dress if it's not my liking. even when i don't shout mocking commentaries about their style in front of them, in my head i put them into my 'SO NOT' box.

apparently, stereotyping is inescapable. we tend to categorize people and put them into separate boxes.

how can we stop that? beats me. i'm fighting that notion to not stereotype myself. i'm still in that process. but i try not to as hard as i can.

so through my realisation that escaping stereotypes are just impossible nowadays, i decided to make my next artwork on stereotypes, based on this experience of mine.

but i'm trying to make a unique one here teehee.

so the idea is, i'll have my model to dress up as two different, contrasting stereotypes, and put their portrait side by side. supposedly, the audience would have different judgement towards the same model dressed in different stereotype. well at least that's the effect i'm trying to get :P

anyways, i'm gonna curhat a bit here hehe.

i got this idea when i was in precamp 2 this year. i was with the village kids and we played this stereotype game. one of them was, we divided the room into to sides. we were given 2 choices and go to the side that represents our choice. e.g. kids who enjoys watching soccer goes to the left side of the room and the ones who doesn't goes to the other. then, we were supposed to argue about why our choice is right and their's aren't. then we were given another 2 choices, different ones this time. and we were suppose to argue again. so we did. it was messy. kids were shouting at each other. the room was noisy.

but something struck me.

i was defending something i favour, alongside someone who i argued against beforehand. a few minutes ago i shouted mean things at this person because we didn't like the same thing. but now we were on the same side, defending something we favour for. it just got me thinking, why did i shut this person off, just because he/she has a different opinion than i do. why do we focus on the differences not the similarities?

so that'll be the concept of my next artwork.

i wonder whether people would pass different judgment to the same person dressed in different clothing or not.

teehee.

this'll be fun.

but in the mean time i must go make the researches and experimentations first.

well this post has deviated into something thoughtful to something... less thoughtful haha.

oh well.

i'm gonna go now.

ciao! :)

unproductive.

2009-10-28T10:19:00.005+07:00

i'm currently in art class. and being extremely unproductive. i wrote this here because i can't get on twitter. haha.

really, i haven't done shit in this class. all i did was well... browse.

browse art-unrelated sites on stumbleupon. teehee.

oo yeay. recess time. must bail, stomach grumbling

ciao

so fuggin random

2009-10-27T23:03:00.003+07:00

i was doing my art portfolio until i got distracted by a link anya sent me from stumbleupon. and here's the result of my procrastination:

Congratulations on being the creator of a new

Evil Plan (tm)!

Your objective is simple: Widespread Misery.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Mom never loved me

Stage One
To begin your plan, you must first seduce a rock star. This will cause the world to sign up for life insurance policies, paralyzed by your arrival. Who is this despoiler of all that is good and nice and true? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good in classic black?
Stage Two
Next, you must desecrate the moon (ooh, tides!). This will all be done from a underground secret headquarters of doom, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will fall into catatonic trances, as countless hordes of ninjas hasten to do your every bidding.
Stage Three
Finally, you must let loose your secret death ray, bringing about a 1984 police state. Your name shall become synonymous with fuzzy bunnies, and no man will ever again dare refuse to be your prom date. Everyone will bow before your extraordinary charisma, and the world will have no choice but to erect a gigantic statue of you.
[link]

i was bored ok geez louise don't give me the stinkeye. okay back to the long-abandoned portfolio.

ciao

I must be okay with this.

2009-10-26T23:29:00.002+07:00

I once read this blogger's [link] post. He mentioned that he had to be okay with the way things are, the way the puzzles fall into place. Although, it may not be the way we wanted it to be. But it is and we have to be okay with that.

I had to be okay with this.

But I suppose it is human to want more and not just settle in for it. However we get carried away and want too much and forget about the fact that to want more, maybe we should try to be okay with it and work around things.

It's hard to do, being okay. I'm still in the learning process myself.

I want to be okay, though. I just don't know how to. I just don't know if I ever will.

And that scares me.

Open your eyes and other senses.

2009-10-22T23:20:00.003+07:00

And I'd study the science of you till I turned it into an art. The way your atoms rub together. Molecules colliding. Chemistry building.

Explosions of heat and radiation. Burning like a star at the end of the world.

@pleasefindthis

it is inspirational. i can't find words to describe my finding above. i found the blog months ago, but just felt like writing about it now. every word and picture strikes me. in a lot of different ways.

i'm lacking inspiration nowadays. it sounds rather bullshit really. i live in an overpopulated city of 8.5million people, i pass the same streets everyday in different situations. but the rush of inspiration never comes.

or maybe i haven't been looking hard enough. or i looked to hard for it. or i overthink because i get frustrated not finding inspiration.

maybe i should open my senses more. or start my occasional run of 'what ifs'.

yeah, maybe.

Crash and Burn

2009-10-06T20:40:00.004+07:00

Should I be the car crash?

I'm tired of just being the traffic jam

Deteriorating the essence of your life everyday

Should I be the car crash?

I'm sick of being the stoplight

you glance at for a milisecond

then swiftly drive away

Should I really be the car crash?

Going that extra mile, pushing on the gas pedal

Even when it should have been the brake

Should I really be the car crash?

Just so you'd glance a little while longer

Or better yet be the guardian angel you are

and save me from this pile of metal debris

Collapsing my lungs and taking the life out of me

by every ticking minute

But, really,

Should I be the car crash?

jkt,

oct 4 2009

11:55PM

inspired by snow patrol's headlight in the dark roads :)

midnight stroke of creativity

2009-10-04T23:59:00.003+07:00

i really don't understand why my creativity always come at the wrong time.

but i like what i produced tonight :)

stumbleupon

2009-10-04T20:20:00.002+07:00

i have a new addiction. it's the website stumble upon [link]. it works like this: you click on the'stumble!' button on the toolbar in that website, and it'll take you to websites that are either:

1. viewed a lot by people

2. favored a lot by people

if you don't get my explanation get onto that website and open the damn faq page, coz i can't understand the whole mechanism of it haha.

so anyways. from that website i, um, well stumbled upon the most random websites ever but found some cool stuffs as well. so far my most favorite finds is this:

that quote above is really striking. yes, there are a lot of drama in life and drama queens starring in it. you got caught up in those insipid dramas, and when you do, you constantly bitch about it. most probably you'd bitch to your mates about it. but here's the thing, why not just laugh our ass off with your mates instead of bitching about those dramas. 'cause when you wind up laughing with your crazy mates you would likely forget about it and for once you'll be happy.

so, here's a piece of mind.

let the bitch bitch around. let them create dramas and whine day and night.

but don't let them drag you into it.

instead, go find your mates. go out, have a few drinks, watch incredulously funny movies and let the world hear your clamorous, ubiquitous laugh.

because yeah, life's waaay to short to be spent bitching about other bitches. haha.

oh aside from that, here's another finding from stumbleupon:

1. bedroom furniture in a box

[link]

2. one of the coolest places i have to go to before i die

[link]

3. feakin' invisible man. you should totally see what crazy, creative things he's done!

[link]

aaaand lots more. yes, it is, indeed my new tool of procrastination hahas.

oh well school starts tmrw omfgjcssmmww. so gotta do last minute works i've been procrastination on wew.

cya later folks.

2009-10-02T17:07:00.003+07:00

I'm in love with you.
I want you to know and I plan to tell you. I hope you will love me back someday, the way I love you now. I hope this doesn’t destroy the connection and friendship that we have. I hope this leads to more, it could be beautiful you know? If we just gave it a shot.
from: [link]

I never had the guts to ask you to give it a shot. Besides, what chance do I have? You were heels over head and you won't let go. I'd like to put the whole thing behind me now, if that's okay. I like what we have now. But it's human to want something more that what we have. You meant a lot to me. More than you've ever known. I'm just too much of a coward to say it out loud.

I don't know if this is regret. It sounds stupid now that I went through those words above again. I'll try to be content with what I have now. I know it's not as bad. I should really try to be content with myself, no? Life is not all rainbows and unicorns, but there's the equivalent somewhere.

If you think I'll move on and forget what I ever felt about you, well, you're wrong. I'll move on, one way or the other, but I'll never forget. It's too awesome to be forgotten.

You were one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Because without you I'll never found trust. I'd always think it's non-existent. But, now I don't, because you showed it to me.

Well, enough ramblings. It's not like you'll read it anyways.

So, I'll end it here.

See, you.

Oh, btw. I miss you so much.

Come back soon :)

PS: the above is basically free writing. but it's how i feel at times, i guess. i should make more original posts. whatever that is. oh well. back to reality. i have hundreds of words to cut out from my world lit essay. holidays are ending soon. shucks.

just, passing on inspiration :)

2009-09-24T13:15:00.004+07:00

i stumbled upon a friend's tweet today when i was procrastinating from my extended essay. it was a link to youtube and i had no idea that i was about to be inspired:

for the past hour i've been pondering over my EE. i was desperately stuck. every thought that came up to my head was "oh god, this is hopeless" or "i'm so fuckin' screwed" or "how am i ever going to get through this?!!" and the likes. oh, as for the last one, i've been asking myself that question for the past year, amidst the craziness of IB.

so yeah. i was procrastinating. and hopeless, i thought that "A" i had projected to get on EE was nothing but a distant dream. i thought that i'm just gonna screw this and not even try to achive my target.

but then i saw that above video and it struck me. how on earth could i ever have that thought? to give up. it seriously made me feel so stupid to even think to give up.

Nick Vujicic said in that video, "If I fail, I try again, and again, and again..." then he asked, "If YOU fail, are YOU going to try again?"

as if he projected that question to me, i tried to find an answer. all this time, i think i've shook my head towards that question. but this time, i think i'm gonna nod. i'm gonna try again, as screwed up as it'll turn out to be. it's better than not trying, i suppose, because if i didn't, i wouldn't know how to not fail, wouldn't i?

so, really guys, what matters is how we're gonna finish all this. right now my top priority is to pass IB, with flying colours, God willing. everyday i grunt and curse about how things are just so overwhelming and i thought of just giving up. i think i should stop that. i should just do it, and if in the course i did fail, then i suppose i'll just have to try again.

and again.

i'm no motivational speaker, but i do get inspired from time to time. i'm writing this post just to pass that on. sooo, please do play the video and ponder upon it for a little while. meanwhile, i've got my EE to complete until at least 3000 words which will be checked in... oops, 1.5 hours. :p

ciao, people.

hope i got u inspired in a way :)

minal aidzin :)

2009-09-21T15:13:00.002+07:00

yes, people. it's lebaran. minal aidin wal fa idzin. maafkanlah segala kekhilafan gw selama ini. :))
hehe pas banget yah hari maaf2an ini jatuhnya sama kayak international peace day. hope that in away it helps create peace. at least in my immediate environment.

hmm, i don't have much to say, really. dunno why. but, hey guess what. as much as i hate new moon, the trailer is actually a bomb.

and i hate to break it to you, but it seems like twilight's werewolves looks much better than harry potter's :/
yeah breaks my heart to say that in some way twilight trumps harry potter. but only in the werewolves part. in other ways, harry potter trumps twilight's ass! wizards > vampires hahaha.
yeah i get sentimental when people compare harry potter to twilight. saying that twilight is the next harry potter and shit. well it's not. nothing would be as legendary as harry potter and that's that. it's written. haha

so anyways enough about that. despite the fact i don't really like the twilight series especially new moon. i think i'll watch it anyways. just because taylor lautner is daaaaymnn HAWT! i sound like a fangirlie. but wth.

well enough random stuffs, people. imma go enjoy my term break. before i have to work on EE tomorrow. i know right, ib took away my right to leisure. harrghh.
will continue and enjoy dee's perahu kertas. i just bought it and it's been awesome so far. i am so in love with kugy and keenan :)

oright enough is enough. i dont need to waste anymore of your time reading this godforsaken random post. enjoyy your break dear ones :)

selamat lebaran :)

Shaken and still.

2009-09-15T23:51:00.002+07:00

My jumper tears, as we took it off

You say you'd sew me good as new

and I know you will

And I'm shaking and I'm still

When your eyes meet mine

I lose simple skills

Like to tell you:

All I want, is now

Set Down Your Glass - Snow Patrol

an update in lists

2009-09-14T16:47:00.002+07:00

i want to update my blog. thanks for the plethora of works dumped on me i haven't updated much. but i don't feel like paragraph update, i feel like lists updates. so here goes:

1. today was first day of term tests. english a2 hl in the morning = 2 hours of non-stop commentary writing.

2. followed by chemistry like, umm, say 10 minutes after??!! wtf, i didn't have time to revise. ()&*(#@!@#$ did quite ok i hope. past papers questions i did came up, so i hope that'll boosts up my score a little bit.

3. i just found out about the whole kanye-ruining-tayswift's-big-moment stunt in the VMA. wtf, kanyeeee???!! dudeee, this girl deserves it, aight? that's like, BIG for a 19-year-old to get to where tay's at now. stop being such an ass. God, he is practically one of my favorite hip hop artist, considering i don't like hip hop too much. but his being a jackass to tayswift in live tv was just horrendous. sorry, but you've lost my respect and other people out there, kanye.

4. i have TOK presentation tomorrow. haven't worked on polishing it until now. oh, well.

5. oh, on friday, i broke my record of going home the latest from school because of academic-related things. i went home from school at 8.30pm last friday, working on my friggin' art portfolio. fucktaaaaard!!

6. I MUST NOT PROCRASTINATE ON ART PORTFOLIO EVERR EVERR AGAIN! the consequences are way too big if i do.

7. i can't wait for the term tests to end so i can go out and KARAOKE! (best remedy after tests, i must say) :)

8. lebaran soon. stoked! :)

yupp, so that's a random list of what's been going on in my life. not that much of your interest, huh?? i don't blame you :p

getting sick of all these goodbyes.

2009-09-04T22:38:00.005+07:00

just got back from my third farewell dinner in less than a month. tonight's was ariani's. one of my closest high school friend. she's leaving for seattle tomorrow.

i had fun. i mean, serious fun. i don't think i ever laughed so hard in the past few days. i mean it. all the stupidities and loudness was the best i've had in days. i assure you the waiters and waitresses are probably sick of hearing us laugh from the moment the restaurant was fully booked until it's very empty. they'd probably want to kick us out, deep down inside.

you see, i seldom cry during farewells. instead of having a gloomy moment, i usually make the best of my last night with my friends by having serious, crazy fun.

but then it'd hit me once i'm on my way home and on my own. i'd get this empty, sinking feeling inside of me and asphyxiation. i really can't think of having equally great fun without them around. i couldn't bear to think that i probably won't see ariani for another two years.

as much as i wanted to cry, i usually couldn't. it's like there's something stuck in me that i wanted to let out, but i can't. i'm not quite sure why, though.

but just now i did. it's not like i sobbed, but i cried coz as i wrote this various images of the times we've spent with each other since we first met, all the highs and lows played like a movie.

i feel really crappy now. i hate goodbyes and i'm so sick of it lately. i really don't want to have another one soon. :((

nevertheless, i'm really happy for them and wish them the best of luck out there. i know they'll rock it abroad and do great out there.

i love yoooouu :)

we're all gonna miss you, ariani :)

the best(s) of times :)

2009-09-03T23:04:00.002+07:00

i wanna blog just because i feel like it. no IB shitz are gonna stop me from doing so, ever and that's that.

so anyways me wanna make reviews for today yayerz.

this time it's fooooor:

Along for the Ride by Sarah Dessen

yes, ladies and germz. i finally finally read dessen's latest book. though my dad bought it for me in spore, but apparently there's some copies here in kinokuniya so... let's move on shall we not?

Along for the Ride tells the story of Auden an insomniac, academically driven girl. all her life, she is practically an adult, even when she's still so young. as such, Auden missed out a lot on social life in high school since she's always pushed to be driven and focused. there's a reason behind that though. in sophomore year, her parents divorced. and it was preceded by loud arguments, in which at some point she couldn't take anymore. so she seeks silence and solace in Ray's diner -- all through the night until sunrise. what does she do there? she mostly studies. but when she chose to go visit her dad and his new wife, Heidi, and their newborn Thisbe, everything will change for her, even when her mom insisted to her otherwise. in Colby, Auden will learn a lot of second chance, with the help of Eli -- fellow insomniac BMX rider -- and various other people she met in Colby.

as like any other sarah dessen book, you'd always learn about some little piece of life. this book is all about second (or more) chances, possible changes and "getting back on the bike". truly, one of the first impressions i get about Auden was "wow, she clearly has no life in high school". all that studying was way too much and i really don't think that anyone could be like that haha. but it made me realise how lucky i am to have many friends and existing social life haha.

one of the most important thing i learned from the book is that, as cheese and redundant as it may sound, it really doesn't matter how many times you've fallen, what matters is getting back up and move on again. and that, really, it is not worth anything to be a quitter. it really doesn't matter that you've scraped your knee against the asphalt for so many times, what matters is that you've tried and dust off the rubble of yourself as you got up again. because, really, you'd never know until you actually tried. Auden at first never tried to make up for what she missed back in high school, because she's afraid she can't, but hey, she didn't know it herself until she actually tried.

however, i think that somehow the plot progresses a bit... slower than dessen's previous books. Auden's transformation is relatively slow, but then again, maybe it takes a while to change. but it's still a marvelous masterpiece by dessen.

anyways, i make lame reviews haha. go get the book now if you're interested it's really worth the read :)

"You don't want the best of times to be just one, forever. You'd want a lot of bests of times, each one topping the other."

Hollis West in Along for the Ride by Sarah Dessen :)

seeking fun amidst IB madness :)

2009-08-28T21:55:00.003+07:00

i haven't posted in what feels like ages. haha.

senior year's been super busy. IB won't get it's hands off of me. it's been taking giving me sleepless nights and constant headaches. my brain's been screaming it wants overtime. it's starting to prepare to get on a strike since it's been overworked this past weeks. -.-"

so anywaaays.

my weekdays has preety much been work work work. constant work. it's crazy coz i'm a student but i have the hours of a workaholic. it's even taken over my saturday! last saturday i had to come to school to do my group 4 presentation. and it was the crappiest saturday anyone could ever have. the tweets explain everything haha.

but i'd always seek for a bit of fun even when disaster strikes. coz afterwards was rena's sweet sixteen. yeaaayy my girl's sixteen :) it's so late for me to write this now haha, her party was last week.

but i've been having quite some friday nights though. now i cherish the saying Thank God it's Freakin' Friday! like last friday night, after juggling crazy stuffs and bullshiting i.e making our group 4 presentation, i decided to screw everything and get out of school. i mean, hello, it's friday i'm supposed to get out by noon, why am i still there at 4?!!

so gino and kaher and i decided to go out to ps and eat. those two boys are scarilly hungry. literally. so we ate and just hung out at starbucks. indulged on guilty pleasures and rant about what shitty, crappy, awful week we've had and we're bound to have -.-"

then this friday night was, thankfully, a day off. there was parent teacher conference at school but i didn't came. since no teacher called me and my parents are away in singapore haha. so i basically started the day real late. woke up at 10.30am. then lazed around watching tv before meeting ariani, diga and rama at PIM to catch a movie.

then we watched the proposal which was so freakin' awesome!!

ichel was right, ryan reynolds IS the perfect chick flick guy :)

he was so super sweet in the proposal! aahhh finally i get to watch an awesome romantic comedy!

aaaaaaaand with the super amazing ryan reynolds!

he is officially my chick flick guy. i'd watch any chick flick with him in it :p

sooooo after movies i went buka puasa at fish and co. ferina, nabila, filza, diga and her boyfriend came along too. it was awesome dinner. laughed out loud and enjoyed seriously yummy fish and chips :p

after that we quickly grabbed some heavenly blush and head on down to karaoke in happy song hahahaha. been a while since i karaoke'd so it was real fun. oh and cavin came along as well :D

sooooo that's been my friday night. it's been awesomeeee :)) i didn't think a bit about any school shit's i'm supposed to do. i think i'll be somewhat dedicating my saturday and sunday for that. i'mma do my EE and arts before mike's farewell tmrw.

yes, another good friend leaving the country to get higher education. i'll miss him. :(

but for now i think i'm gonna go and rest :)

ciao, everyone :D

:(

2009-08-19T00:09:00.001+07:00

OH MY GOD, I'M IRREVOCABLY MISSING YOU :'((

Hujan Meteorku, Bintang Jatuhku, Segalaku :)

2009-08-16T00:57:00.004+07:00

gatau mau dipasang dimana hehe. something yg gw buat tengah malem ketika dilanda insomnia kronis :)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aku benar-benar tidak tahu kekuatan macam apa yang bisa membuatku mengangguk setuju ketika kau memaksaku untuk menyetir ke Puncak di larut malam. “Tapi kan, ini nggak akan terjadi lagi dalam waktu yang lama, Angga! Aku bener-bener pengen liaaat!” katamu manja.

“Irene, Perseids muncul setahun sekali. It’s not like its Haley’s comet or anything!”

“Oh, ayolah! Kita masih muda, we should learn to jump at the first chance we get!” Aku tidak tahu lagi apa yang terjadi setelah itu. Tapi yang jelas aku sudah di balik setir mobil dan masuk tol Jagorawi kearah Puncak. Lagu Chicago sari Sufjan Stevens mengalun dari radio mobilku.

Lampu baca kau nyalakan, agar kau bisa melahap fakta-fakta astronomi yang memang ingin kau dalami itu. Aku tersenyum mengingat pernyataanmu yang ingin melihat segala fenomena astronomi sebanyak mungkin, mulai dari aurora borealis sampai komet Halley – yang diperkirakan baru akan muncul pada tahun 2061. Aku tidak terlalu mengerti mengapa aku sampai tersenyum sendiri mengingat hal itu, mungkin karena kau selalu bersinar lebih terang jika kau membicarakan tentang ketertarikanmu pada ilmu astronomi – satu hal yang, menurut pengalamanku, jarang kutemui pada seorang wanita.

Tak lama setelah itu, jalanan yang lenggang membawa kami ke sebuah pelataran di dekat Puncak Pass. Di sekitar masih ada beberapa pedangang jagung bakar dan warga lainnya yang berkumpul untuk melihat fenomena astronomi ini. Kami bertengger di atap mobilku. Kamu dengan tenang melahap jagung bakar sambil terus menengadah ke atas. Aku juga melakukan hal yang sama, namun aku tidak bisa menahan impuls untuk sesekali menoleh untuk menatap keindahan lain. Keindahan seorang Hawa yang bertengger manis di atas atap mobilku.

Aku tidak tahu kekuatan apa yang kau miliki, wahai Dewi, tapi aku tahu kekuatanmu mampu membuatku bersedia melakukan apa saja asal itu adalah untukmu dan bersamamu. Aku bersedia melakukan apa saja asal itu berarti aku bisa ditemani oleh ukiran senyum indahmu.

“Sebentar lagi.” Ujarmu sambil mengecek jam tanganmu. Hujan meteor Perseids itu diperkirakan akan muncul pukul satu pagi, atau paling tidak itu yang aku dengar dari orang-orang. Sekarang sudah pukul satu kurang sepuluh. Disekitar kami, semua pasang mata menatap tajam ke langit hitam yang dibanjiri bintang-bintang dan disinari oleh cahaya rembulan.

Aku tidak tahu menahu tentang astronomi sedikit pun, tapi apa yang baru saja aku lihat adalah salah satu fenomena semesta terindah yang pernah aku saksikan. Langit yang tidak berawan itu tidak hanya dibanjiri bintang, namun tiba-tiba dihiasi oleh sekelebat sinar yang berjatuhan. Bagaikan hujan, memang, tapi kali ini bukan air yang melintasi langit, tapi sinar-sinar mengkilap yang menghiasi langit. Aku mengerti sekarang kenapa kamu bersikeras mengajakku kesini.

“Jangan lupa, make a wish, Ngga.” Bisikku pelan ke telingaku. Aku hanya tersenyum mendengar kata-kata yang meluncur dari mulutmu.

Malam ini sepertinya lebih dari apa yang bisa aku utarakan kepada meteor-meteor itu. Aku tidak perlu mengajukan pinta apa-apa kepadanya karena aku sudah mendapatkannya dari sejak pertama kali aku mengenal dirimu. Hari-hariku dipenuhi dengan keindahan yang tak tertandingi semenjak kau muncul dalam hidupku. Setiap hari matahari bersinar cerah dimana kau berada, walau langit mendung sekalipun dan petir menyambar penuh amarah. Setiap malamku dihiasi oleh bintang-bintang dan fenomena astronomi lainnya, walau malam itu para bintang enggan menunjukkan wujudnya. Setiap jam bagiku adalah pukul 11:11, karena tak ada waktu dimana aku tidak mengharapkan kehadiranmu.

Semua itu tak perlu kuutarakan kepada para bintang, karena aku yakin mereka sudah tahu. Aku yakin semua itu karena para bintang jatuh itu tahu mereka telah mengirimkan kaumnya yang paling bersinar kepadaku. Karena engkau, adalah hujan meteorku, bintang jatuhku, sinar auroraku, segalaku. Engkau adalah seluruh fenomena astronomi dan lebih dari itu.

Dalam hati, aku tetap membuat suatu permintaan kepada meteor-meteor itu. Berikanlah aku keberanian untuk menyatakan apa yang seharusnya kunyatakan selama ini.

Aku pun memberanikan diriku untuk menggenggam erat tanganmu dan menatap dalam matamu yang indah itu. Kuutarakan segala yang baru saja terlintas dipikiranku. Bahwa engkau adalah hujan meteorku, bintang jatuhku, sinar auroraku, segalaku. Akan kuulang sampai kau bosan. Karena fakta itu tidak akan pernah luntur.

Kau adalah hujan meteorku.

Bintang jatuhku.

Sinar auroraku.

Segalaku.

Kau ulangi kata-kata itu dari bibir manismu.

Hujan meteorku.

Bintang jatuhku.

Sinar auroraku.

Segalaku.

Bumi berhenti berputar untukku dan untukmu sejenak. Yang ada hanyalah aku, kamu dan hujan meteor Perseids yang menjadi saksi bersatunya dua insan yang adalah aku dan kamu.

time flies by in one freakishly swift motion.

2009-08-15T17:16:00.002+07:00

this is the part where i always dreaded to be at. it seems so unreal, because i never quite thought about it. days after days i went through, some with monotonous nothingness, some with little things i'd always remember.

but then again, time flies by in one freakishly swift motion. you really don't quite know how you'd get here but somehow you just did. as i've said before i hate saying goodbyes. tonight a good friend of mine is leaving for a brand new life in the states. never quite realised he'll be leaving soon. it's crazy 'cause i really dont know that this time will come. not this quick anyways.

so then i have this sinking feeling in my gut. i so hate how time flies so fast and i'm never up for it. who knows till it's another day i'd have to say g'bye to another dear friend?

this post seems random, i know. but i think it's because i still can't quite comprehend about this chapter in life. how time flies. why can't it crawl slowly like a snail? i know the slowness in time is relative. but why is it that when you're sitting an exam time is so slow you want to press fast forward, but when things like this happen it's so fast once you're in it you're struggling for your equilibrium. i'm writing in circles again, i know. blame my confusion.

hmm, don't think i'd continue anything from here. i'd just let life teach me more things and leave me wandering.

meanwhile, goodluck out there, choco! thnks fr evrything :)

impromptu insights at midnight

2009-08-11T23:40:00.002+07:00

this time it's ms. dewi lestari that amazes me :)

"4.354.560.000

Itulah banyaknya milisekon sejak pertama aku jatuh cinta kepadamu. Angka itu bisa lebih fantastis kalau ditarik sampai skala nano. Silakan cek. Dan ak berani jamin engkau masih ada di situ. Di tiap inti detik, dan di dalamnya lagi, dan lagi, dan lagi..."

-Selagi Kau Lelap-

"Dan setiap senti gurun akan terinspirasi karena kau berani beku dalam neraka, kau berani putih meski sendiri, karena kau... berbeda."

-Salju Gurun-

all quotes taken from Dee's Filosofi Kopi: Kumpulan Cerita dan Prosa Satu Dekade.

agak telat emang gw baru baca sekarang. but, better late than never.

gw gak akan bisa terinspirasi seperti ini kalau gw ga ambil buku ini dari rak di graamedia.

setiap untaian kata dalam buku ini sarat makna. gak mungkin klo pembacanya gak bisa menarik sesuatu dari cerita-cerita di buku ini.

superbly written by an amazing female indonesian author. if you don't have it in your bookshelf right now, go get it a.s.a.p.

it's worth every penny :)

oh the irony

2009-08-06T21:52:00.002+07:00

me and senior year has a love-hate relationship. i love the fact that i'm always in a class full of crazy, fun friends. but i hate hate hate the fact that i've got lots of shits to do yet i haven't done shit about it.

i'm taking a (prolonged) break from finishing up my group 4 report. would do some stuffs for art later on too.

oh here's an ironic thing from this SAT vocabs handout thing.

grandiloquent adj. using big and fancy words when speaking for the purpose of impressing other. i.e. words such as GRANDILOQUENT

see the irony? HAHA.

random i know. but i'm just turning my depression from IB into randomness. much more healthy for others.

see ya when IB's not kickin' my ass, peeps. :)

ass-kicked. bummer.

2009-07-29T20:34:00.002+07:00

exactly.

i'm home and just started school this morning.

my ass is severely kicked by schoolworks. i just got in and i got a math quiz tomorrow.

yays now all i gotta do is study a whole chapter about 3D vectors.

which by the way, i know nothing of.

yay me.

i've gotta get myself together and get through this. come on, nandra. positive affirmation!

YES WE FREAKIN' CAN!

well as the beatles' would put it.

"I get by with a little help from my friends."

oh i so hope that's true.

a little something from a land thousands of miles away

2009-07-23T01:17:00.003+07:00

hello from amsterdam!

yes, i'm in the capital of the country that used to colonized us for hundreds of years. apparently the country's been awesome. come to think of it, it problly prospered to the way it is now after years of taking away other people's freedom.

now, how bout that, huh?

however, i still think this country's awesome. and i apparently prefer rotterdam than amsterdam. here places and houses are soooo packed. some of the streets are small as well, one-laned for cars. it's got these little lovely shops and cafes though.

and since it's summer, my energy's still on full blast until sundown, which is aroun 10pm :p

so i'm still up for roaming around town until nightfall, though places are closed already. hargh. i missed shopping until late into the night. shops here open until 6pm only aaargh.

speaking of which.

I FUCKING MISS MY HUMANS BACK HOME!

yes, i'm homesick. well more like peoplesick, coz i miss my friends back home :(

they've started senior year without me :(((

it's crazy, i know but i apparently miss going to school and ranting over our IB-fucked miseries.

AWH GOD, I MISS YOU GUUUUYYSSS :((

ohh i heard about the bombings back home. i was in france when i heard about it and i was in complete total shock. i stood in front of the tv with my jaw gawking open, not quite sure if i just read the right words under the breaking news banner.

i can't believe it happened again. it's been years since such attacks happen and it's been quite peaceful. and apparently tourism is back up and running again in indonesia, giving life to those in the tourism sector.

i really don't understand what is in the mind of those terrorist. what good would it do them aside from having people's lives lost. they think life is something that people can just throw away.

well it's not.

and it's not just death that would end someone's life. this tragedy would scar them forever.

apparently, a friend of my aunt's, who lives here in netherlands, was among those who were the victims of the bombing. he did not pass away, but he suffered severe damage to his leg and had to have it amputated.

imagine how such thing would alter someone's life completely. i don't know this person, but i know his life would most probably not be the same again.

well, i ended this with a sombre note. but it is a tragedy and my condolensces goes to those whose loved ones are lost or scarred from the bombing.

anyways, i suppose i'm gonna go nooooww.

gonna go meet ode tomorroooooww!!

yeaaahh, so stoked! bumped into her few days ago in den haag and can't wait to spend the whole day with her! :)

good night from amsterdam, my loves :)

i hate this part right here.

2009-07-13T00:41:00.002+07:00

one of the most-hated word in the english language for me is goodbye. and i hate it even more that i have to say it to so many people in such an early time. i really didn't think i'd come to the time were people would leave and i'd have to utter goodbye to them. so far i haven't quite say it yet but i don't want to even when the time comes...

help me get through this please?

before i'd have to say goodbye to you?

hey, a girl can wish right?

2009-07-10T22:49:00.003+07:00

...

I wish I was your favourite girl

I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world

I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile

I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out

But you always wanna know what I was about

I wish you'd hold my hand

When I was upset

I wish you'd never forget

The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot

That you loved secretly

'Cause it was on a hidden bit

That nobody else could see

Basically, I wish that you loved me

I wish that you needed me

I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,

Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break

I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake

I wish that without me you couldn't eat

I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen

...

Kate Nash - Nicest Thing

is it too much to ask?

repeat-one

2009-07-08T18:01:00.004+07:00

sometimes i wish that button exist in life. okay, sometimes is an understatement, most of the time, i want to press that button so badly, and not in my ipod and/or itunes.

i just got back from bali yesterday afternoon. on the plane, with a huge hangover and amidst the clouds, i closed my eyes and all i could see was the great times i've spent with my CISV lovelies: daryl, rasti, icha, rena and stevi on that island. i could see vividly the day we went to bebek bengil and ate two plates of crispy duck (yuuumm!). as well as the day we spent the entire day at the beach, getting tattoos, snorkeling, canoeing and taking amazing pictures. and the night when we sat around and opened up to each other, stripping off the black cloth that we've been hiding behind. i recalled the day we went shopping and did some serious bargaining. also the time when we had dinner under the sunset at jimbaran. and i could never forget the day we partied it up real hard, then met other crazy whackjobs who's as messed up as we were, probably even worst, in laota, this awesome porridge place. oh, not to forget when we partied in our bedroom and it got seriously messy and chaotic.

not a day goes by without me laughing my ass off, until tears welled up in my eyes. not of sadness, but of sheer, pure happiness. every single day, down to the last second, was very precious and filled my memory box with even more sweet stuffs :)

on the plane, i wanted to cry. this time, it wasn't happiness, it was sadness. sadness because i couldn't repeat this again. sadness because i'm afraid there are things i regretted during the trip, thank god to this moment i haven't found any (except maybe, i DO wanted to shop a bit more hahaha, classic). sadness because i'm afraid that i couldn't have this again.

at that moment, until now, i so badly want to press that repeat-one button. i want to re-live the 5 days i had on the island, down to the very last second, and repeat it over and over and over again. i know i'd never get bored of it :)

but sadly, i can't. just like every other moments where i had the same feeling.

truly, i didn't know that the trip to bali would be one of those moments where i'd feel this way. but then again, i once watched grey's anatomy and meredith grey said that:

"you don't know the biggest day of your life... not until you're right in the middle of it..."

this may not be the biggest day of my life, but i think it's fragments of the best days i've had in my life. and i truly believe in that quote, because i didn't know bali was gonna be one of those times where i'd desperately want to repeat, until i was in the middle of the trip.

so here's a piece of mind. live your days with hope for the best. it won't always turn out to be the best, so still, expect the worst. but keep in mind to have hope with you at all times. the worst might happen, and with expectation of the worst, you might get at slightly less dissapointed, but with hoping for the best to come, you'd soon forget about the dissapointment and realise that you're in the middle of having one of the best days of your life.

well you see, i'm not at best when i get rather philosophical, i tend to go round and round and a bit cryptic. but i do know you all understand what i'm trying to say.

so philosophies aside, here's some pics from the trip:

hope you've found your best(s)!

poem of the week :)

2009-06-30T23:44:00.002+07:00

yeah, blog gagas media [link] milih puisi gw buat poem of the week-nya! yeaah i'm so stoked and proud of myself hehe. puisi gw selama ini ga pernah di publish dimana pun, biasanya cuman end up di blog ini doang, so ini achievement gw yg bakal gw banggain :)

recognition's always something to be proud of, sooo i'm not gonna wipe this big grin off my face.

anyways, itu aja for todaaayy. jumat gw ke bali woo hoo! can't wait to get my feet submerged int he sands!

ciao!

have a nice summer pipol!

a series of happy endings

2009-06-28T23:57:00.002+07:00

ok straight to the point. i just finished watching he's just not that into you. have to be honest, the plot gets a bit complicated and rather slow, but it did have a very enlightening message.

oh before i get into that, the opening of the movie was marvelous too. *a little spoiler here, beware!* i mean, when you were little, grown ups tell us girls that boys are mean to girls because they like them, right? now THAT is bullshit. i mean, come on. if the guy's a jerk, he's a jerk. it's like us girls are expected to put up with jerks because it means they like is. i mean, he doesn't, hence the jerk behaviour.

but the one thing i like most about that movie was their definition of happy ending. well not exactly definition, but whatever, you should watch it to understand. so anyways, point is, happy endings aren't just one. happy endings are a lot of things. happy endings doesn't always have to be meeting the one and living happily ever after. i mean, hell you don't have to be together with someone to have a happy ending. sometimes you can have it on your own. moving on is a happy ending; it's a relief from burdens, how is it not happy?

soooo yeaah. okay so i really don't know how to close this post :p

but anyways, watch the movie! :D

love is an oxymoron.

2009-06-26T17:44:00.002+07:00

i had this crazy thought... that love is an oxymoron. i mean it doesn't even need to have another pair of word to make it an oxymoron. the word itself reflects an oxymoron. i mean, think about it. love is the one thing you need in life, what the makes the world go round and what makes life worth living.

but at the same time, looking at it from a different angle... love seems to be the reason that things break up like they do. it has this great power to shatter you into pieces and bring you from the highest ground to the lowest in a milisecond.

you see what i mean?

symptoms of campsickness ;p

2009-06-22T19:48:00.004+07:00

here's a list of how you feel when you're campsick, specifically after this year's proto:

1. you wake up and have the urge to get outside, cross your right arm above your left, sing the cisv song and have flag time.

2. you feel like being thrown to the sky during kiitos after every meal.

3. you feel like dancing to the cha cha slide.

4. you make up robotic dance moves to the beat of the metronome. (I LOVE YOU METRONOMEZ!)

5. you reminisce the times when you dance to nsync's bye bye bye and it was phenomenal.

6. you miss having a lot of people around you and feel horribly alone having dvd marathon in your room.

7. you don't feel like sleeping at 2am because at that time, you're still up eating indomie and the gossip session has just started.

8. you have the sudden urge to get up, jump and do the pony song, purple soup, or little sally walker.

9. you can't sleep before you listen (or sing along) to the songs you usually sing during lullaby.

10. you smile to yourself because of some little thing that reminds you of camp, and no one knows why you're smiling and laughing.

i miss my prototype campers. both the staffs and campers. we worked real hard to achieve what we wanted. there were obstacles along the way, short fuses blown and some tears shed, but it was all worth the while.

i hate the fact that for some of my friends, it would be their last cisv camp. it was hardly mentioned, during camp but i still can't shake off that fact. i hate to think of how different camps would be without them around. i'd hate for them to leave, they've all been such dear friends to me and other CISVers as well :(

i hate saying goodbyes. sometimes i want to press the 'slow down' button so i could linger here in the times when no goodbyes are necessary yet. i really do hate goodbyes. especially this one :'''(

these lovely people have not gone yet so this summer i'm gonna make the best of my time with them. i'm not in to waste a single minute without them ;)

i'd miss you all. you know who you are. it's gonna be hard to let go, but you'd do great out there, i know it :)

BUT, it's not time to mope around yet, let's kick ass this summer and have funnnnn!!

have a crazy summer, everyoneeee!!

another indescribable cisv moment :)

2009-06-20T21:06:00.002+07:00

as always, cisv camps are indescribable. just got back from proto this afternoon and i'm highly exhausted. despite the fact that there were some things that i thought wasn't supposed to happen happened i still think it was awesome. some things during the camp nearly made me blew up a short fuse, and that, i must say never happened before. during that time the "thing" surpasses all the awesomeness i felt throughout the day.

but now i'm just gonna let it slide. it's shit, i know. but shit happens to everyone, and i find it better to not dwell over it.

so anyways prototype camp was awesomeness. the kids were awesome. our activities were awesome as well. we had so much fun, learned so many things. i think that's what matters most.

as like any other camps, i'm definitely missing it so much.

i miss the post-evaluation late night talks until 2am

i miss the instant noodle + manohara gossip session :p

i miss playing with the jimbe haha

i miss kiitos and pony song

i miss my alays and metronomez

i miss my fellow "baru masuk kayu danau" dancerss hahahah we totally rocked the talent night!

i miss dancing to the cha cha slide

awhh. i miss it all :(

and it also dawned on me that this is practically the last camp for some of my friends who are leaving abroad. i really can't imagine cisv without them actually. not sure if it'd be as much fun. i've known them for the past four years since i'm first introduced to cisv and they brought the fun and energy to our activities. i'd hate for them not to be there with me and the others :(

there's so much to say about this year's camp. but the words won't pour out. so i guess i'll stop right here.

i'm soooooo freakin tired and i have a sexy phelgmy voice haha. so i guess i better drink one of those cough meds and hit the sack. :)

2009-06-11T01:16:00.004+07:00

Let the sun know you're always watching.

another one from david horvitz

team building prototype camp 2009 ~

2009-06-07T22:08:00.004+07:00

too tired to fill in details. will just put up funny quotes and lists of why it was so much fun (and tiring):

1. naek kereta ke bogor. hayooo, ga pernah kaaan? iya gw jg, baru kemaren pertama kali ehehe.

2. men-charter angkot dari stasiun bogor ke tapos. hayoooo, ga pernah juga kaaan? iya sama gw jg ga pernah yg namanya nge-charter angkot. baru tau kemaren klo itu kendaraan bisa di charter. canggih jg haha.

3. nawar biaya charter-an angkot ditengah kekalutan stasiun bogor. ga pernah jg kaaan? hahaha.

4. naek angkot diisi dengan manusia2 berjumlah 13 yg kalo ngomong volumenya ga bisa dikecilin dikit dengan topik obrolan yang ga mutu pula. i.e. gempar gempor kasus manohara, paris hilton and the likes.

5. selama hampir dua jam menahan kentut di angkot, ternyata kita salah jalan dan ujung2nya masih berada di tengah2 kota bogor.

6. Di dalam angkot yg sumpek ga karuan, dengan perut lapar dan nyasar 'dikit' selama berjam-jam

rene: (baca papan nama toko) toko jam jakarta... ngarang banget sih lo.

all: *roflmao*

7. Masih di dalam angkot. Membicarakan kasus manohara.

stevi: iya bla bla bla ... datuk kadar syah

tidak lama kemudian

nandra: OMAIGAT YA AMPUN GW KIRA LO BILANG TADI DATUK KARDASHIAN!

rena: AHAHHA IYA GW JG!!

nandra: PANTES GW BINGUNG SEJAK KAPAN KARDASHIAN TERLIBAT KASUS MANOHARA

all: *lmao*

8. selama di dalam angkot nan aduhai itu, dengan perut yg keroncongan dan di kocok2 (akibat turbulance dalam angkot) ke-13 manusia di dalamnya sampai2 nyium bau knalpot bus pun dikira bau ayam KFC.

9. diteriakin "BERISIK!!!" dari pengendara sekitar. sumpah yang ini gw ga pernah ngalamin. hahaha. ini berarti keberisikan kita udh ngalahin klakson2 mobil dan angkutan lain yg jg terjebak kemacetan. haha gara2 kita jadi tambah senewen kali ye??

10. merasa betapa indahnya udara segar dan bulan di langit setelah berjam-jam perjalanan dengan angkot tercinta tsb.

11. the blessings in disguise dari perjalanan yang teragak laknat ini seperti:

11.1. ternyata mobil livina, yg udah bagus masih aja sering gw komplain gara2 sempit, itu jauh lebih baik dari angkot. lantas mengapa gw sering komplaaain?

11.2. walaupun kita terjebak ditengah2 kemacetan di kendaraan ajaib pula, apparently, gw lebih mengenal teman2 staff proto gw dengan lebih baik. (walaupun mungkin tentang hal2 yg tidak terlalu baik haha)

11.3. ternyata disaat-saat penderitaan, gw dan teman2 yg lain masih bisa ketawa jg.

12. ternyata banyak hal-hal yg gw anggap gampang dan sepele, menjadi hal yang teramat sangat susah dan gak berhasil gw lakukan.

13. mau nyalain api unggun pake lilin dua biji aja susah banget haha.

14. 'gaya anjing' dalam berenang itu kalau dipraktekin seperti anjing beneran adalah hal yang sangat SALAH. hahhahaha.

15. shampo and conditioner herbal essences perih banget di mata walopun wangi ehehe. thank you rena for letting us ~~use~~ finish your shampoo!

16. kata gabah yang disalahgunakan oleh seorang ardy winoto haha. contoh:

"gabah itu lhooo klo gw nanya, 'jalan yuk!' trus lo jawab, 'gabah!" (maksudnya GA AH!)

"gabah itu kalo misalnya si rena jatoh, 'gabah'!" (maksudnya gawat -.-")

note: itu baru dua dari sekian banyak penyalahgunaan kata gabah. kalo semakin gw terusin semakin ga jelas, ntar orang bakal bilang gabah beneran kalo si rena jatoh haha.

to conclude,

prototype camp 2009 would be as much fun if we put our whole heart and spirit into it. :)

i so can't wait!

summer weekend :p

2009-06-06T09:39:00.003+07:00

oh yeah first weekend in the summer. but, is it me, or this summer seems highly exhausting and overwhelming? i mean never have i gone to school during my summer holidays. whereas i'm supposed to seek a little 'restricted to friends and me only' time.

BUT, NO.

i still have to finish reporting my CAS evidences to ms. vivi and ms. alma.

and discuss how i'd go about with my EE with mr. joel.

and talk about what on earth is my econs IA article supposed to be about with ms. bernadette.

i have a bad feeling this summer would be really different than the last ones. i mean, we students get the privilege of having to start the holidays a week before the teachers do. but now i still have to come to school to seek meeting with teachers in order to get some of my IB prerequisites done and over with. though it's better than having to wake up at 6.30am to go to school, but i'd rather not go to school at all during the holidays.

oh, the torture.

and i'll have to go to CISV's prototype camp team building later this afternoon (i.e. train leaves in 5 hours). i'm trying to convince myself it'll be fun. but somehow my mood is rather feeble today. then again, i really want to do this, i mean i made a commitment so i'd have to stick with it. hmm, maybe it's just me. i'm pretty sure once i got there things'll turn out good.

(i really do hope so.)

well proto camp would be a big challenge this year, as i am camp-directing for the first time ever and was notified only, say, 2 days ago. meanwhile camp is 10 days away. i'm doing a lousy job :s

oh my god i really should stop whining!

there's no room for whines in the summer!

get yourself together, nandra!

*slaps face*

(i'm speaking figuratively of course, am not masochistic)

harr must stop randomly ranting about the shits in life, i.e. IB

the sun is shining today and not a hint of rainfall this morning (yet)

meanwhile i'm gonna check if i packed the right stuffs.

enjoy your summer, guys!

p.s: for my other ib-fucked friends out there, FORGET ABOUT IT! IT'S SUMMER, BABY WHOOOOO!!!

interweb psych consult :p

2009-06-06T00:59:00.007+07:00

i'm insomniac, although i'm somehow exhausted. and i pass the time taking personality quizzes hahah. here are my results fyi:

ENFP - "Journalist". Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test

"ENFPs are initiators of change, keenly perceptive of possibilities. They energize and stimulate others through their contagious enthusiasm. They prefer the start-up phase of a project or relationship, and are tireless in the pursuit of new-found interests. ENFPs are able to anticipate the needs of others and to offer them needed help and appreciation. They bring zest, joy, liveliness, and fun to all aspects of their lives. They are at their best in situations that are fluid and changing, and that allow them to express their creativity and use their charisma. They tend to idealize people, and can be disappointed when reality fails to fulfill their expectations. They are easily frustrated if a project requires a great deal of follow-up or attention to detail."

source: wikipedia

Global Personality Test Results

Stability (23%) low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Orderliness (43%) moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Extraversion (53%) medium which suggests you average somewhere in between being assertive and social and being withdrawn and solitary.

Take Free Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Brain Lateralization Test Results

Right Brain (71.6%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain.
Left Brain (28.4%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain

Are You Right or Left Brained?(word pair test)
personality tests by similarminds.com

Personality Disorder Test Results

Paranoid	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	74%
Schizoid	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	34%
Schizotypal	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Antisocial	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Borderline	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Narcissistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Dependent	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Obsessive-Compulsive	\|\|\|\|	18%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

apparently i have the personality of a journalist, which convince me i'm making the right choice for my future carrer. and apparently i'm highly insecure, emotional, right-brained, paranoid and may have borderline personality.

wow i discover a lot about myself tonight. haha

oh, sweet summer :)

2009-06-03T23:02:00.004+07:00

the priceless faces of the end of the school year :)

pic thanks to ichel

oh yeah. i could smell the sweet scent of summer. it's the best. last exam was today, it was math. i could surprisingly do it. hoping for better results than last term. AMIIIIN :)

after school went and have sushi with gino and agnes. and laughed our heads of with our putri indonesia inside jokes haha. ohhhh my, we have grande plans for this summer. already planned one for tomorrow! ohhh yeaaaahhh!! so stoked i could do all these things i've been wanting to do. hang out with friends fool around.

though UNFORTUNATELY

i still got some school stuffs i have to do. like CAS, EE and econs IA.

@#*($&(#@$)(!*@#)*&#@%

oh well i'll get by.

with a little help from my friends of course :)

sooooo much to do this summer.

there's proto staff's team building.

prototype camp.

then problly off to europe with the familyyyy!!

oooohhh yeaaaah!!

how i love summer :)

have a nice one, everyone!

complicatos.

2009-06-02T22:28:00.002+07:00

this is what i do in my abundance spare time.

or in other words what i do when i procrastinate.

i'm screwed for maths tmrw :(

say it loud

2009-06-02T14:23:00.001+07:00

"S,

I’ve been lying awake all night, listening to sad songs and thinking about how you’re moving away soon, and I never even got to kiss you. I still want to tell you, but what’s the point?

— K"

when staying silent gets awfully tiring, you might as well say it out loud.

3 YEARS, BABY!

2009-05-29T21:47:00.002+07:00

hey so aside from ariani's birthday, it's also this blog's 3rd anniversary.

i never thought i'd make it this far. and i gotta say i'm proud of myself. i'm not exactly a keeper, i leave things unnoticed for a very long period of time, only to wound up regretting what i did long after.

but this time, i didn't.

this blog is a record of me growing up. cliche, i know. but that's what it is. i've had this since i was back in the last days of year 8, now i'm in my last days of year 11.

this blog has recorded my anxiety of final exams of middle school, my exuberance of my first day of high school, my heartbreak, my precious memories with my friends, my insights and epiphanies and so much more to come.

years has passed and i'm slowly discovering who i truly am and where my passion lies. in short, i've been through a lot of changes. whether it is within myself or the people around me. sometimes changes are ugly, but most of the time, change is probably what you need.

we'll never stop changing, it's a cycle. so this blog will continue to record the changes i'll go through. as well as other random stuffs i come across during the day and a tinge of my creativity.

so it'll stay. i don't know until how long. but i made a promise to myself that this blog would stay, as long as i still have my passion of writing within me.

i'm not sure a lot of people read this blog. it never won any awards or got into a book deal. but this blog holds a part of me, and i'll continue writing no matter what.

thanks, everyone!

you're my inspiration everyday :)

they say you don't know what you got till it's gone.

2009-05-29T08:04:00.000+07:00

sometimes i pity myself that i can't talk to someone about my emotions. at times where i need to burst i dunno where to do that. even if there is someone who i trust enough to confide everything to i don't have the guts to tell them that i need him/her right now and that they're the only one i could trust wholly. i don't have the guts to tell him/her that they're the one i'll come crying to. i don't have to guts to tell him/her that he/she's everything i need coz they'd listen and not judge. i could just bitch and cry and they'd listen. i sound selfish. i mostly am. but i try my best to do the same to him/her.

i hope i did listen to you. i hope i've been good enough a friend for you. i hate to say that you make stupid decisions most of the time, but i won't interfere with that. i'd be content with whatever you chose to do. and if it did turn out to be stupid, i'd be here for you to listen to you talk about how stupid it is. i would, i truly would.

they say you don't know what you got till it's gone. it never felt so true until this time. this time when i realised that you're miles away and i can't reach you easily. this time when i realised that i missed you but i can't say it because of complicated reasons. (i'm a complicated person, i know you know that) i can't just pick up the phone and blurt it all out and wait for you to say those words that, in truth, are the most comforting words ever. you'd pick me back up again, you always do.

i can't bear to think that this time next year you'd be miles away for good. i don't know whether or not i could still reach you. i don't know how. i don't know if i can cope with it.

there's so many "i don't know"s it's driving me crazy.

here's another "i don't know":

i don't know if i'll ever going to tell you all this.

but i think i somehow made a promise to myself that i would, when the right time comes. i don't know how you'll react to it and i don't know if i have enough courage to say it. what i do know is i have to.

or else i'd stay in this horrible misery.

something i came up with during a hopeless moment in chemistry exam

2009-05-27T19:38:00.003+07:00

HOME

They say home is where the heart is

But yesterday I gave all my heart to you

I suppose now home is where you are

And I intend to keep it that way

jkt, 27 may 09

7:43 PM

(something i came up with during a hopeless moment in chemistry exam)

I want to see the same things I did in the past when I looked ahead at the future.

2009-05-24T22:25:00.003+07:00

i turned my head around and glanced a bit at the past. i realised there are some people which i am not so close to anymore. i don't know which one of us pushed each other aside, or maybe other circumstances pushed us aside. i really don't know. but what i really do know is that i regretted every part of it. to have such close friendship with someone, to have someone to come crying to and to bitch about other people with. to have someone that you know would stick by your side no matter what happens. i hated the fact that we are not those people anymore. i really wish i could turn back time and mend the cracking foundation beneath us.

i really don't want to be one of those people who regretted not keeping their closed ones intact by the time they're 50. i don't want to stare at a polaroid and regretted not living in that moment long enough. i don't want to mope around on my own because of regret.

i know one should not look back at the past. but i want to be able to see the same things i did in the past when i looked ahead at the future.

is that even possible? i'm clueless myself. maybe i should start mending things in the present so that i could paint back the past in the future?

thoughts, anyone?

grey's anatomy fever :)

2009-05-24T00:06:00.003+07:00

"Did you say it? 'I love you'... 'I dont ever want to live without you'... 'You changed my life', did you say it? Make a plan, set a goal, work toward it. But every now and then, look around, drink it in. Because, this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow."

last words from season five finale of grey's anatomy. highly emotional season, i must say. i cried more than i usually do. full of surprises, most of them not so good.

and it ends with asystolies, i hate it when it ends that way. and i especially hate this one.

i hate it because it ends tragically.

i hate it because it ends with a cliffhanger.

i hate it because it made me all the more impatient for the next season.

and i especially hate it because it made me procrastinate.

haha.

but yeah. won't write more, due to tendency of giving out spoilers. nope, you won't want that haha.

hope you had a nice weekend, guys.

cya!

cryptic gibberish

2009-05-22T00:55:00.003+07:00

U KICW TIY

What I really meant to say was "I love you"

But all I could come up with was

some cryptic gibberish that made no sense

I hope you understand, nonetheless

(I know you understand.)

PS: the title of the poem is actually spelling out a word that makes perfect sense. anyone wanna try figuring it out?

HINT: look at your keyboard :)

<3 william beckett

2009-05-17T20:19:00.003+07:00

yet another awesome post from the amazing william beckett. just thought i'd share:

MAY 16, 2009
WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT, EXPECT IT.
I said, ‘hey you, this is me. The idealist inside that holds your hope on a string, wound and tied like kites to all of your dreams and regrets. What a tangled mess that they’ve turned out to be. Take a breath, and ask yourself what matters.’
Days like masquerades, silent, hiding in the shadows,
stripped of their disguise leave you haunted as you scatter.
But you’re always on my mind.
YOU’RE ALWAYS ON MY MIND.

go check out his blog. i love it, i have a great feeling you would too :)

i had a date with a video editor software.

2009-05-16T23:06:00.003+07:00

yeah. so from now on i'm gonna appreciate movie editors more that i've ever been. so today after piano class i went to ps with sevira and adhyt, to work on our VNR for english oral presentation, due monday. so i've spent the entire afternoon and evening editing our video. i've had the laptop on my lap since 2pm. sat for like, 2 hours at starbucks then another 2 at haagen dasz (we needed a change of scenery, mind you haha).

so yeah, we spent four hours in PS doing just that. wow. i've never done that before. if ever i spent 4 hours in ps it's because we fooled around, watched movies or played pool or something. i usually only sat in starbucks to have a drink, while i waited to be picked up. hmm. but i'm so glad i was really productive. i thought it was rather impossible to do works in the mall haha.

oh a lot of things struck me today.

one of the things was how people who hung out in starbucks uses the to-go cups instead of the for-here glasses. i mean if you intend to sit around for quite a while, i think it's better for the environtment to use the for-here glass. i saw a lot of people, who i knew was going to stay long there, since they had their laptops on and seemed to be having a meeting, and they used the to-go cups. it kinda bothered sevira and i. i mean, it's really good that starbucks had actually put up a sign, reminding the caffeine addicts to go green and use the for-here glass instead. though not much seemed to have take note of it.

hmmm. so there's something to enlighten all yous about one of the measures you can take to save mother earth. and maybe a little advice for starbucks, maybe if the signs are not good enough, why not offer it to buyers when taking their orders? a little more reminders for them probly be a better way. at least they're reminded, as we're not quite used to have the for-here glasses. so anyways, think about it. i think it's better to have for-here glasses in any coffee shops or cafes or restaurants rather then the plastic to-go ones. so there you have it, another day, another way to save the planet :)

oh and another thing struck me today. sevira mentioned that this coming summer holidays would be the last one where we'd come back to high school. i never quite thought about that. i just couldn't wait for it to come, i didn't think about what'd happen when this summer comes to an end. then i feld the insides of my stomach stirred up and sunk a bit. i really hate having to think about the fact that high school's almost over. i really do.

i love high school to the core of the core. despite the fact that this whole IB shitz is slowly deteriorating every part of me. but fact is, we're all fighting together. again although i sometimes feel like giving up, the one thing that would always make me change my mind is the fact that i would miss a lot from high school.

i dont know how i'll get through IB, but i know i can somehow. i'd probably be catatonic inside by the time i finish the final exams. but i'd get through it because it's high school. because it's the best part of my youth life and i don't want to throw it away only because of IAs, TOK essays and EE.

well anyways, so much enlightenment for such a seemingly short day. yeah the whole in front of the laptop thing made the day seem shorter. hargh.

oh haven't wrote about my friday night. haha had awesome time eating sushi. yeah, sushi-eating day out after the end of an exhausting weekday is a very nice remedy indeed. after that we watched angels and demons. which was superbly awesome! everyone must watch it! or better yeat read it! but i'm soooooooooo amazed by the visual effect of when the antimatter blew up. it's soooooooo cool!! hahaha.

but aside from that the story was magnificent as well. hmm feel like reading it again haha. but anyways, i love the underlying message of the movie. and this movie's not as controversial as the davinci code, too. i mean what this movie is trying to project is that even religion are flawed. here's the syllogistic reasoning to that point:

people are flawed

religions are made by people

therefore, religions are flawed

i think that what the movie and book is trying to portray is that people sometimes don't realize that. the thought that religion surpasses everything then might lead to people being irrational and therefore expresses their flaws.

oh shit, why can't i go TOK when i was suppose to do the essay? haaargh. hmmm. but guess what, i may just have a topic for a TOK presentation. i'm claiming it mine hahahah. :D

anyways enough with the TOK bullshits. just go watch the movie. it's extremely marvelous! haha.

so after the movie most people left (ferina, agnes and ariani) soooo that leaves only me, cavin, gino and kaher. so we decided to go play pool. i was extremely lousy at pool. but it was fun, though :D chugged a corona and lime, while i'm at it hahaha.

hmmm. well, so sunday tomorrow. feel like having a lazy one, indeed.

hope you had a nice saturday, guys.

one that DOESN'T involve movie editing.

say hello the the bella luna!

ciao!

2009-05-05T22:44:00.000+07:00

Yesterday, I was drowing in your love.

Today, I desperately need to be rescued.

haiyah!

2009-05-03T20:44:00.002+07:00

i'm tired. i just finished a bunch of sketches and one painting for art. i'm officially an IB art slave -.- i've been laboring myself since around 2.30 pm. now it's 8.40pm agh. my room looks like the debris from a recent hurricane just swept into it. and now my hand aches from cutting out a stencil that, as it turns out, hardly helps and is now ruined, seeking refuge in my trash bin. *sigh*

and i can't stop coughing. i cough and cough and cough. agh it's torture. i feel better though. on friday i had a fever, huge headache and severly runny nose.

should i go to school tomorrow?? hmm.

hey guess what i scoured facebook and wound up on cavin's supersampler pics during our cooking session. oooooohhh i want moaaar cooking sesh. there's still loads we havent tried from that nigella cookbook haha.

OH PLEASE DEAR HOLIDAYS I BEG OF YOU TO COME HERE FAST.

and dearest exam week skim by me fast would ya please? like in lightning speed so i can get it done and over with.

hargh. what else is there to talk about?

hmm. swine flu is scary. eekk.

i had these crazy thoughts of me having the swine flu. even my dad asks if any one of my friends went to mexico recently.

we laughed it off hahahah.

i'm beginning to be more random everyday.

hmmm. but here's the way i see it. i think it's one of those freewriting things. yeah i mean i lately just post random stuff just because i feel like it. and i've been doing freewriting quite often lately for me EE. i think it's becoming a habit, really.

lalalalalalala.

ok i think freewriting session's over.

hahaha.

tomorrow's monday.

bummer.

despite the fact, i actually like monday's subjects. no chem or maths woo hoo.

lemme see

me gots art, english, bahasa, tok and econs tmrw.

ok the only boring one is TOK. but it's only a measley 40 minute session (that feels like 40 hours), but i get by it somehow hahaha.

ok then ta-ta my dahlinks.

me mums nagging again haha. (i love you mom, don't take this too seriously haha)

love yous.

i hate hate hate hate this :(

2009-05-02T14:49:00.002+07:00

i hate being at home because of a bad flu when i'm supposed to be enjoying a lovely saturday out after all the ib craps i've done over the weekdays.

i hate having to chug down flu meds which leaves a crappy taste in my tounge.

i'm having a bad flu and a crappy weekend. my mom's quarantining me at home. :(

for the past 6 hours since i got back from the doctor's i've stayed in bed with the tv on, watching a friend's marathon, some travel show on natgeo adventure, some cartoon on disney channel. well basically i channel surfed for 6 whole freakin' hours.

egh. sucks to be me.

you guys go enjoy your saturday while i scour the shelf for dvds to watch :s

cyew.

icebeeeeeeeerg :(

2009-04-29T21:34:00.002+07:00

i hate how headaches ruin my mood as much as i hate how IB is slowly ruining the peak of my teenage life.

especially if i still have to study chemistry because i just don't want to fail. studying 8 chapters of IB chemistry is just pure torture. and attempting to do past exam papers with a big iceberg on top of you head is PERENNIAL TORTURE. i might just DIE.

pardon my hyperbolic remarks. but it's seriously bugging me. there's so much to do yet there's so little energy in me to finish my tasks.

this headache is killing my productivity too. i have this urge to sketch. but the headache is hindering me from making good sketches. :(

hmm.

i'm blaming everything on this headache. so sue me for making excuses. though mind you, these are not excuses. i'm just stating facts and how i feel right now. so whatever.

i have a fucking long to do list.

i feel like burning the IB office. care to join me?

DISCLAIMER: just kidding, peeps. don't sue me because of what i just said or think that this post is a terrorist threat for the IB. i'm just a DP student trying to figure out a way to get through this crap while asking myself why i'm still fighting. oh right, it's probly because i'm RESILIENT. oh wow. i'm so much an ideal binusian without me realising.

GREAT.

highlight of my life.

(add a hint of sarcasm there, mind you).

oh wow i can't stop typing. there's so much in my head. which brings me to another question. maybe this is what's causing my headache. hmm. i want to vacuum all these thoughts out.

argh.

oh man. i don't think i'll ever stop. sooooo i'm gonna stop typing. hit the publish post button. and go to bed.

thanks for letting me share my feelings today, guys haha. if this makes your day bleaker that it's supposed to be then pardon me. i really dont have the intention of doing so, nor do i expect to make your day brighter with my posts. sooo, yeah do wat cha gotta do.

me loves yous.

good night :)

Be The One.

2009-04-27T20:07:00.001+07:00

I want to be the one deluding you in your daydreams.
I want to be the one waking you up from your nightmares.
I want to be the one pouring Technicolor into your monochromatic world.
I want to be the one tune that got stuck in your head for days.
I want to be the one slipping sunshine through your blinds.
I want to be the one switching on the lights when you’re in the dark.
I want to be the one carving an effervescent smile across your face.
I want to be the one.

♥

jkt, 27 apr 2009
8:14 PM

glass half empty.

2009-04-25T23:01:00.003+07:00

is it possible to feel really lonely in a house filled with a lot of people? i feel crazy whenever i thought of it. it seems that mere physical presence can't really fill up all the empty spaces. somewhere deep inside you would still feel empty despite the fact that the physical space around you is jam-packed.

i guess it's all the same emptiness if you're with people you can't really pour you heart out to or laugh/cry yourself silly at. all those filled up spaces just can't make it up.

hmm. that was rather thoughtful and philosophical of me. but i guess it's this psychological thing, i've been spending my saturday nights with my friends and it just seems weird to spend it at home haha. but on the other hand i felt kinda bad at my mom, coz i already went out late on friday and the previous saturdays i always spend time with my friends. had a blast shopping with her, though :)

which reminds me, i watched a french movie with alvie, anya and cavin last night in fX. it's called Un baiser, si'l vous plait (Shall We Kiss?). it's a really nice romantic-comedy movie. it's basically about how a kiss without consequences is just imposibble. it's quite complicated to write about it here though ahaha. you should go watch it yourself. you'd laugh your guts out and go "aaawh" at the uber romantic and thoughtful lines :)

oh here's a funny thing that happened when we watched. i mean, we're so IB, we actually analysed it. i know right, really freaky. it started with cavin, actually, mentioning how the diction and the tone is exceptional. then i start commenting on how a hazard sign in the lab where the characters hooked up is actually a foreshadowing of how their clandestine relationship would end in a disaster. then anya started to mention how a scene in the pharmacy is actually a propaganda.

HOW FREAKIER COULD WE BE??!!

we're watching a romantic french movie and we acted as if it was an english paper 1 exam hahaha. we're so IB-fucked, as anya likes to put it :p

right after the movie we wanted to get cold stone, but unfortunately all their good flavours are finished (no cheesecake boo hoo). bummer. so we went to get cream and fudge instead. which i didn't really enjoy, because their cheesecake flavour is too sweet to my liking haha. but then we fooled around. took pictures and polaroids. then had a bit of a bitching sesh haha. well, what can i say, there comes a time where you just can't stand something and had to talk about it to someone else, right?

but i think we got a little carried away with our so-called session, coz by the time i got home it was almost midnight haha. oh, well.

well come to think of it, as i read on this post i just written, i feel so bad i moped about how lonely i felt tonight. i mean, i did have a blast yesterday night. i shouldn't really be splurging on anything else. hmm.

but the whole empty spaces thing still bothers me though. and got me thinking about a lot of different things.

hmmm...

but it's too late for that now, the time i mean. it'a already 11:20PM haha.

bon soir, folks! hope you had a nice weekend =D

dim

2009-04-25T20:47:00.003+07:00

I try to see things positively. But it just so happens that everyone has dimmed the light.

Now, what am I to do?

bitchin' sesh.

2009-04-21T22:37:00.003+07:00

ok. i'm so pissed by so many things today. sometimes i think this city and country in fact is just so fucking messed up i don't understand the reason how i could cope with all this intolerance and imorality.

wait, coz ini post tentang jakartaku tercinta, sepertinya lebih baik kalo gw post pake bahasa indonesia.

ok. so satu hal yg bikin gw muak banget hari ini.

1. ok jadi tadi gw pulang skolah lewat jl. sultan agung situ. nah trus ada satu jenis kendaraan yang pengen gw bakarin satu2 biar jalanan ga macet. yakni, SEPEDA MOTOR.

iya itu kendaraan roda dua yg kayak sepeda tapi diisiin bensin itu. iya, itu kendaraan yg asal selip sana sini doang trus selalu maunya menang sendiri, mentang2 dia lebih kecil daripada mobil2. dan gw paling sebel kalo itu motor BERTEDUH DI BAWAH JEMBATAN pas ujan. BUSET DAH, LU KIRA JALAN RAYA PUNYA BAPAK LUUUUU????!!!! nyadar dong ya tolong ada kendaraan lain yang juga butuh ruas jalannya. dan secara ini kendaraan yg LEBIH GEDE daripada motor, jadinya kita perlu LEBIH DARI SATU RUAS JALAN, YA KAAAN?? nahh logikanya, kalo satu ruas jalan DIPAKE BUAT PARKIRAN MOTOR DADAKAN, jadinya MACEEEEEEEET KAAAANN???

IYA MACET. BAHASA INGGRISNYA TREFIK JEM. kalo macet mengganggu ketenangan seluruh lapisan masyarakat, ya kaaan??

ok fine, mungkin bakal bnyk yg bilang gw egois klo bilang gini. mentang2 gw kaum burjois yg kemana2 pake mobil. and ok, fine, klo pake motor ga bisa berteduh dari hujan.

tapi ga ada tempat yg lebih layak dan nggak mengganggu ketenangan pengguna jalan yg lain apa?? cari warung gitu ato apa kek. mending klo cuman di pinggir2 jalan doang. tapi kalo udah make satu ruas jalan itu udah keterlaluan. nah, skrg siapa yg egois?

i'll let you decide.

2. UAN

gw panas banget klo denger ada yg namanya ngebayar soal UAN + kuncinya. i just want to pose one simple question for these nimrods who has done such thing:

MAKSUD LO APAAAA??

trus lo meninjakkan kaki lo di lantai sekolah dan ngedudukin pantat lo di bangku sekolah buat apaaa? buat ngangetin kursi kayu doang?? mending ga usah sekalian. bangku diangetin jg ga ada gunanya. sementara sepatu lo cuman ngotorin lantai sekolah doang. intinya: BUAT APA SEKOLAAAH??

fine, gw mungkin ga 24/7 blajar terus, mikirin sekolah terus. tp yg jelas gw masih punya MORAL untuk melewati segala tugas-tugas yang berat dari sekolah dengan USAHA dan KERINGAT gw sendiri. gw ga mau yg namanya ngeluarin duit lebih dari kantong orang tua gw, cuman biar gw bisa get the easy way out doang.

walaupun gw megang prinsip kalo ijasah doang ga cukup buat bikin lo survive di luar sana, tapi gw yakin 100% ketidakhadiran MORAL juga won't do you any good.

gimana ini negara ga rusak coba? sejak masa sekolah aja udah ga punya moral.

jujur, kalo udh kayak gini gw ga peduli bokap lo siapa, gw ga peduli duit lo berapa, rumah lo ada berapa and segede apa, baju lo merek apa, tas lo kulit asli atau bukan, GW GA PEDULI LO SIAPA. orang2 kayak gitu rasanya pengen gw ludahin.

I DON'T RESPECT SUCH PEOPLE.

coz guess what, they can't even RESPECT THEMSELVES by being HONEST then WHY DO THEY DESERVE ANY RESPECT??

i am so fucking disgusted at how there are just so much fucking immorality and intolerance in this city. now how do we open up these crazyfuck's eyes? coz the only thing i got right now is to group them in monas and i'd use a gargantuan-sized TOA to shout out about how fucked up i think they are.

any ideas? i'd love to hear some.

home on a weekend...

2009-04-19T12:58:00.002+07:00

i couldn't quite remember when was the last time i spent the weekend at home. felt that i've been going out every weekend for the past months. hmm no wonder i felt that, that's because i DID go out every weekend for the past months haha.

so maybe it's time to take a break...

and be productive

however, life has it's strange turns, 'coz now i've got severe flu and it's actually hindering me from being productive. i was about to dedicate my saturday at home doing art but then influenza came around and gave me nasty headaches and runny nose and sore throat. the complete package. i took the flu meds on friday night and slept for 10 hours straight. only got up once to drag myself out, only to wound up on the couch, asleep again.

then on the saturday, after picking my bro up at senci with my dad and had a bit of food, i got home and did art for around 2 hours (or less). then take that stinkin' flu meds again AND fell asleep until the morning.

what's more is get this freakishly strange dreams about strange people and/or creature doing strange stuff. seriously, what is going on in here???

hahahaha.

is it an effect of not going out on a saturday? haha.

the flu meds are giving me weird thoughts as well. and it seem to have made me write this random and inconsequential post. haha.

oh, well.

cya. hope you guyz had a superb weekend. i'd join you next week when the flu's gone and i'm not so grounded anymore hahahah.

loves. <3

2009-04-15T00:43:00.004+07:00

I sometimes wish that your heart glows in the dark, so I can reassure myself that it's right there amongst this vast darkness.

♥

i need to get a life :s

2009-04-14T23:09:00.002+07:00

"IB is like the morning run: you may be grudgingly putting on your sports cloths and regret bitterly about your stupid decision to do this pointless thing everyday while you are running , but in the end you still do it everyday."

"IB is like vegetables. It sucks but it's good for you in the long run."

"IB puts the "pro" in procrastination."

IB Student 1: Did you understand a word of that math lecture?
IB Student 2: No, I was finishing the physics homework instead.
IB Student 3: Oh my god, do you understand the physics unit?!
IB Student 2: No, I was doing my math homework during the lecture.

"Writing a TOK essay is like being constipated. It hurts like hell and you produce crap very slowly."

Teacher is explaining differentiation to the class

SL Maths Student: Are we ever going to use this in real life?
Teacher: Of course.
SL Maths Student: When?
Teacher: In the exam.

"The number 45 never looked so high until now..."

"IB helps you with stress management. It throws all this stress at you and says, 'Manage it!' Then you have your breakdown and you get over it."

Frustrated IB Student: You know what? I don't want to wear a normal graduation cap when i graduate. I want a freaking tiara.

Fuck IB, I'm going to Hogwarts.

hey here's a good one:

"you know you're in IB when you open ibquotes.com just to laugh at yourself and feel better about your misery because you know there are many out there as miserable as yourself."

should i put it up? haha.

man, i need to get a life.

here's a letter.

2009-04-12T22:35:00.003+07:00

dearest long weekend,

i would just like to say how gratified i am for the most awesome time you have given me for the past four days to spend with my friends. i get to do a lot of stuffs with my friends, and family too, actually and have a lot of fun.

thanks to your presence, i get to cook again with my friends gino ariani and cavin and had a very 'rusuh' day indeed. although we were stupid enough to not buy burger buns when we are clearly gonna cook burgers. oh, and cavin's ice cream cake melted severely on the way to his house, spoiling the intricately planned surprise we intended to give him. it was still a blastin' time. we cooked great pasta and burgers, albeit having no space in our stomach to digest them haha. we are truly sorry though that we kinda ruined cavin's kitchen, you know, spilling parmesan cheese all over the counter and stuff haha.

and also, because there is a long weekend i finally get to go to monas after not being there for ages. it's really... hmm how do i put it, refreshing for the soul to go there. it's hyperbolic i know, but the fact is that monas has a great outdoor space to be in. although it pisses me off to see trash lying around the place. here's a message for jakartans or people visiting monas, can you please, please, please, PLEASE keep the beautiful landmark clean?? because if it is not clean, then it won't be our beautiful landmark anymore, wouldn't it?? really, people it'd be nicer to enjoy such nice outdoor space WITHOUT the trash. besides, there are TRASH CANS every where, all you've got to do is pick up your trashes and THROW IT IN THE REPSECTIVE TRASH CANS. all ya gotta do is GET UP YOUR ASS AND WALK TO THE TRASH CANS. it's not such a long walk, you know. it's not like walking from monas to bogor, isn't it? so that's my plea for you all people.

and last but not least long weekend thank you for making me have yet another awesome saturday night and day out with my friends. yes, i went during the day and night on saturday, so sue me. during the day, i get to meet my cisv friends, which i seem to have not seen for ages. especially nadia, my long lost miss UPH friend :p what's more, i get to eat sushiiii!! yeaaay finally i ate sushi tei again woo hoo. then at night was cavin's 17th birthday party which was just so freakin' awesome. it's really nice you know, to be spending time with your school friends OUTSIDE of school. like my parents once asked me why do i have to go out with my friends when i see them for five days straight at school for 8+ hours. well it's a simple answer really, because it would be much much much nicer to spend time with school friends not surrounded by the grey walls of the class room and whiteboards and bunsen burners wouldn't it? say you agree with me friends. so anyways, cavin's birthday was probly the highlight of this long weekend. again thanks, cav for such awesome party and afterparty hahaha. the afterparty was surely a big blast. it feels kinda good to just daaaynce and go crazy with friends. so thanks for the fine night, guys, regardless of what happened, if you know what i mean. and regardless of the aftermath as well, haha.

so there you go long weekend. a detailed description of my countless gratitude for your presence. it totally sucks that you have to go now :( i'm sulking. i hate the fact that i have to go back to school tomorrow to face the cold grey-walled class rooms again and the freezing cold hallways. i also hate the fact that i haven't done any homeworks haha. but i guess i love the fact that we'd have lots to talk and laugh and reminisce about tomorrow. all those insipid, crazy, fun, awesome, wild things would be a good 'discussion' topic tomorrow. it'd be really nice to recall the rather stupid yet fun shits that we did during your presence in the calendar and our life.

again, thank you so so so much my dear long weekend. i think it would be quite a while until you come around again, isn't it? i'd linger for another one of your presence in the calendar. well i miss you already dearest long weekend, thank you for making my life more colourful. know that you've shine on the days of millions other indonesians as well.

cheers, and i'd wait for you to come around again.

missing you here.

all my love, hugs and kisses,

nandra

ps: piccies grabbed from anya's and cavin's facebook. ily <3

insights and epiphanies

2009-04-11T00:44:00.003+07:00

insights and epiphanies doesn't always come at this time of night. and if it did, i love how it could manage to carve a big smile on my face, and plant a seed of gratitude deep in my heart and soul.

here's the postsecret tweet that gave me the legendary late-night epiphany:

postsecretToday's Mail: (front of card) "On college tours, they don't tell you that there is nowhere on campus where you can cry in private."

12:24 AM Apr 10th from web

postsecretToday's Mail: (back of card) "So you make friends who let you cry on their shoulders."12:25 AM Apr 10th from web

hmm. they never mentioned it in high school orientations either. or anywhere actually. i feel really lucky though, because i have lots of friends. and i know i can count on them. :)

and there's this one person that i nearly always come crying to. it might be rather oblivious to think back about how i can come to this point with that person and trust someone so deeply. i'm so very lucky to have you.

thks fr evrythng :)

i love my friends because they're the very reason i cope with life's atrocities. and i'll continue loving them.

spread all the love people. the whole world needs it, for crying out loud. =D

ciao.

PS: this may just be a freak coincidence, but i'm currently listening to what might be the perfect soundtrack to this post. it's Lenka's Knock Knock. it's lovely :) check out the lyrics and you'll agree with me i'm sure :D

ouch.

2009-04-09T22:48:00.003+07:00

SHE CRIES ECSTASY

she cries ecstasy

from the corner of her

soft hazel mydriatic eyes

she thought she'd no longer

shed a single tear

she thought it'd bring her

to a distant utopia

now that she's there

as it turned out

it was dystopia in disguise

she continued searching

albeit always ending up

in the same place

she cries ecstasy

from the corner of her

soft hazel mydiratic eyes

looking for a way out

only to find herself

plunged into the same chasm

over and over again

jkt, 9 apr 2009

10:48 PM

note: came up with this when i was working on one of my art sketches. i'll probly post the pic too soon enough. when i've coloured in probably haha. this poem's about a girl who's addicted to ecstasy (the drugs, i mean), but not getting what she initially thought she would. it's about her despair because she can't get out of it.

well, please do comment people if you want. i'd highly appreciate it.

thanks a bunch :D

for alvie =D

2009-04-07T19:22:00.003+07:00

this post is for my friend alvie, who is in love with gabe saporta (amongst many others). yet i have been quite an ass for trashing about him haha. sorry babe, haha. but here's me writing about the nicest and probly coolest thing evuur about him.

here's his tweet:

http://twitpic.com/2xeuk - i really don't ever want you guys to worry about me. i love you guys. and it means a lot to be cared about, b...

about 16 hours ago from TwitPic

if you followed the link to that twitpic, here's wat he said in an email reply to his fan:

"...I've never sucked a dick to be where I am. But I like to push the boundaries of my existance. And if that means I break a few of my bones, I don't care. At least I am man enough to admit it and let you watch. I like doing stupid things. It's a nice juxtaposition."

gotta break it to you, vie, he's not that bad after all. haha. sorry babytch :) won't trash saporta again. you have my word =D

kthxcyaloveya

*

2009-04-06T21:49:00.004+07:00

Star by =Sortvind on deviant ART

STARSHINE

the stars collapsed

diminishing itself into speckles of stardust

some of which landed on your eyes

now the only sparkle

lighting my way back home

you may not know it, love

but you gleam brighter

than the northern star

if i leaned in closer

and whispered to you ears softly,

"you're my favourite star"

would you listen?

by nandra

-partly inspired by jason mraz's who needs shelter-

jkt, 6 apr 2009

10:06 PM

one minute.

2009-03-31T23:19:00.003+07:00

i feel all wrong. really just things i do seems to be wrong. and things i don't do is even more wrong. i feel rather emo today. not really knowing why.

i want to write something. i gotta write something. it's like an impulse. man, i dont know what i'm talking about.

but hey here's something. see mr. joel made us do freewriting for homework. and i came up with this sentence at the very last minute of freewriting today:

what would you say/write/do to someone if you only have one minute to do so?

or something i like that i don't quite recall. well anyways, it got me thinking. first i thought of one person that pops into my head. and thought about that question i pose to, well, no one actually, it's freewriting. but i gathered up the things i might say to that particular someone. as it turns out it was a lot, i really don't know if one minute was enough to say the whole thing i wanted to say.

but i wonder whether it is possible to narrow down all your thoughts of someone in a minute. i think in some way it is possible. just get straight to the point. explain later. hmm.

things is getting interesing, really. you know, lately i've seen websites that is actually social experiments. like twistori or wefeelfine. they gather up keywords that describes about how people feels. in the case of twistori, they pull out tweets from twitter containing keywords such as feel, love, hate, wish etc and stream it to the site. which results to continuous streams of feelings and loves and hates and wishes. rather interesting. though i sometimes find that it's kind of disturbing one's privacy, though the tweets are anonymous.

hmm, i'm seriously thinking about having movements like that. wouldn't want to call it social experiments, though it could fall into such category. i'd like to give someone one minute to say/write/do something for others and see what they could come up with. just one minute. i think it's rather interesting.

i mean i'm sure that in one minute, with probably not so many words, a lot can be said. after all, it all comes down to the meaning of it all, right?

well guess what people, i might even consider this as freewriting haha. 'coz i feel like i've been talking nonsense this entire post. but hey, if you do have any comments about this whole one minute idea, share it with me, puh-leasseee? i'd love to see what you think.

it's late.

nearly midnight. don't wanna be sleep deprived anymore haha.

gnite. :p

freewriting

2009-03-26T21:59:00.003+07:00

hey guess what. i pushed myself to do my EE. my supervisor told me to just do freewriting excercises. freewriting sounds rather fun actually. it's like, no pressure, just write what you have in your head. even if it means you're annoyed with the heat or the static buzz from the study lamp.

but.

being the lazyfuck i am, i'm still to damn lazy to do it.

AGH.

and my mom's been nagging about me not doing my EE so i made myself do it.

first attempt sucks though. but second attempt was superb.

oh i actually turned of my wi-fi.

i know right. i was that desperate. i was determined to at least have a page or three paragraphs. and guess what.

i managed to type up 792 words. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH *evil laugh.

insipid really, 792 words and i'm already proud. the negative me is shouting "YOU STILL GOT 3208 WORDS TO GO YOU DUMBASS!!!"

well i don't HAVE to make exactly 3208 more, but approximately that much.

yeah, well i'm still proud of myself. at least i did SOMETHING and refrained from procastinating. HA!

hmm. wat else happened today?

oh i went to bogor. had culinary travel (well sort of). and i nearly died from my dad's its-really-not-funny-but-it's-rather-stupid-so-you'll-laugh-anyways jokes. i mean seriously, i have had ENOUGH. hahahha. but i love how my dad makes me laugh. :)

here's one of the things he said:

me: yah, nasi buceng apaan sih?

dad: itu... nasi bumbu eceng.

me: HA? ECENG? eceng apaan?

dad: eceng gondok. *lol

me: HA? OMAIGAT TOLONG. *dies

no of course i didn't believe him. duh.

well hari kejepit besok tman-tmanku yang ga liburan (mwahahahahahahhaha), bolos gih sono. nikmatilah harpitnas ini. cabut ayo cabut! haha contoh yang ga bener nih. oh well gw libur ini hahah.

oh oh gw bsk mo masak sm gino. wuuuuu~

akhirnya masak juga itu bahan2 udah nginep di lmari es dari jaman kapan tau HAHA.

:'(

2009-03-23T23:21:00.002+07:00

i just had a major tearjerker moment with the movie Marley & Me. i cried so bad. to a point where now my nose is entirely blocked and i was actually sobbing. it's so saaaadd. i don't think any movie has made me cry this bad. aawh poor Marley :'( and it kinda reminds me of someone quite special. can't help but smile as well.

hmm. i haven't written for a while. another week of term break holiday. oo yeay. what to do i wonder. had craptarded moment with a few of my friends karaoke-ing, which was fun. i miss that.

oh well. i'm gonna crash. all this crying is making me sleepy haha.

good night! :)

awesomely stoked. :p

2009-03-13T20:47:00.003+07:00

yeah. it's last day of term three and i'm stoked stoked stoked. i knoooow, there's still much to do. start EE, CAS reflections, group 4 project (in BALI! HAH!) and start art researches for my next project.

but nevertheless, there's still a sense of relief. i mean, at least i won't have to go on these crazy routines everyday. classes, lectures, etc etc. i'd at least would have some time in bali to laze around under the sun and take pictures. and just be around my friends acting retarded. yeah so stoked for that haha.

anyways. since it's the last day of term three, (also friday the 13th, how ironic). i felt greatly awesome today. i finished things. like my artwork for once. yes, my cigarette smoker fiona is finally done (i.e. dead). i put up her shot up lungs already with cigarettes and all (which mr. boy told me to spray with perfume. and i haven't. uh oh. if anyone's coming to do art tmrw, please do spray some haha. fiona smells like crap :D ). so yeah. i could finally take that out of the way. stayed until five today and finished it. it's creepy working late at school, really. eeegh.

but anyways. right after that i went to pancious to have early dinner with gino, agnes and cavin. and we talked and ate and indulged on guilty pleasures hahaha. oh not mention being stupid. in front of public. which is all the more stupid. it's really nice, just eating out being high school kids. people were staring at us at times because we laughed to hard. not that we care much hahaha. we were just enjoying our time. i'd like to do that more. hanging out, being stupid, talking nonsense haha.

i realized today how much i love high school. despite the whole IB shits we're all going through, i love every minute of it. i mean, my only choice if i don't go through IB is going to college, take foundation classes. but one of the main reason why i stick with IB, although it's taking over our lives slowly, is because it's high school. and i want to graduate as a high school student. not as foundation studies/college student. there's just that thing about high school that'll always make you smile, and at times think that our ruthless endavour through whatever is worth it. i won't give it up for anything. even if it means less rigorous exams and prerequisites demanded by IB. there won't be any way any one could drag me out of high school.

it's too precious. :)

so well anyways guys, it's friday night. it's my movie marathon night. although there probably won't be any marathon today. gonna go to pulau putri tmrw for diving. oh yayyerz.

i'm nervous though :(

well wish me luck!

ciao bella.

Quote of the day a.k.a Wall of Shame

X (he'd kill me if i write his name): naik-naik bandung. lol

agnes, gino, me: roflmao

me: *hampir keselek gara2 gino ketawa kayak orang kebelet eek*

me: hahaha dia naik-naik bandung, kita halo-halo puncak gunung.

all: roflmao

ps: been a long time i've written the wall of shame. it's back. so beware people. hahahah.